Event Horizon

i’m back in the circuit. doing event photography. and it’s decent money that will help me pay off my gear, which is exactly the reason i started down this path. but this morning i am headed in to the office and i’m tired af . 

but truth is, even though it caused some stress in my relationship, and even though it pushed me to the lower limit of my stamina for giving a fuck, it was 100% worth it. 

the event was an industry party for a photo and video studio, and the likelihood is that this planted seed will grow into a tree of new opportunities. as long as they don’t hate the photos, that is.  

i got a lot of questions about my hip holster - the peak design lens/capture  set up. and people were really surprised to see me shooting on tamron glass instead of the canon l series  that everyone else is using. but i have a feeling that they’ll understand why i have turned away from canon glass in favor of the tamron lenses once they see the photos and realize 1) they have no technical issues, and 2) they don’t look exactly the same as everyone else’s shit. or maybe they won’t. i don’t know. 

the other thing i did differently was using my remote flash trigger and a gary fong mounted on my canon 430 ex ll  instead of just mounting on the hot shoe of my camera and using bounce flash to light people. to be honest, the gary fong is kind of ridiculous and not at all a substitute for a good softbox or other studio diffuser. but it does a decent job of spreading light somewhat evenly across a gaggle of revelers in a dark room when held  statue of liberty-style slightly overhead and to the side of the camera. 

i probably looked stupid but people seemed to be amused, and in a room full of camera nerds, i had a couple of people tell me that it reminded them of the old  man behind the curtain  holding up a magnesium flash bulb. i suppose the concept is the same.  

after looking through the images from the night i am definitely pleased with them. i was surprised at how well some of them came out given that i was shooting at iso’s of up to 12800. generally i stuck to around 3200 when using ambient lighting only, and 640 when using flash. there were a couple of images that came out unusable because of the isos but more often than not, with the right filter, they add character to otherwise unexciting, normal images. 

i still need to do my after action review on the three photography jobs i did this weekend, and i will. but right now i’m going to put down my phone and try to get some sleep on this morning train into the office. if i’m going to be late to work, i might as well be well rested.  

Three

three. that’s how many jobs i worked yesterday. i started the day in central park at 8:30 a.m. working with a running coach to produce some images for a campaign, headed to my office to edit those images, then went to time’s square to meet a a mother and son to take some photos for a charity i’m working with (discussed in more detail in yesterday’s post). and then finally, i headed to bushwick after getting a last-minute call from an old friend who needed a photographer for her studio’s holiday party. that wrapped up at midnight and i didn’t make it back to queens until almost 2 a.m. 

that is what i was talking about in my do the hustle post a few days ago. 

to be honest, my wife was less than thrilled with me for taking the last-minute gig, and she has told me that i need to slow down the pace a bit. as much as i want to be doing photography every chance i get, she’s more important to me than photos and like i told her yesterday, i would rather throw all my gear away and never take another picture than have it be a problem in our relationship. eventually we worked it out, but i should probably write a post about balance here at some point. once i figure out what that means for me. 

so three gigs in one day was definitely crossing the line. i was mentally and physically exhausted, and as great of a networking opportunity last night was, i wonder if it is going to come back to bite me later. like i met all of these amazing people in the industry who do this full-time, and i wonder how much my connections with them will be disruptive to the equilibrium that i am working to establish in my life. i fear that i may be called upon to pick up the pace when my wife has told me that she wants me to slow down. when she has told me that she doesn’t want to stand in the way of my big opportunity, but that she is also not thrilled with the idea of me working full-time on my salary job and full-time again on photography. 

i struggle with knowing what the right move is. do i throw caution to the wind and take the path of ego, the path of a fool who believes destiny is calling? or do i approach all of this with discipline and candor, with an understanding that at least until i retire, full-time photography is probably not a realistic option for me? 

i also wonder if the dualistic lens i have locked on my body at the moment is fit to the task, whether there is a third option on the table that i’m not contemplating or able to see from my current vantage point. 

i wish i had an answer.  

St. Francis

i write a lot about gear and theory on this blog. i write about things that go wrong. and about the lessons i’m learning along the way.   

but the only reason any of that stuff matters is that it prepares us for the moments that we are called upon to capture something important. something powerful. 

after wrapping up a photo shoot this morning in central park working on a campaign for one of my clients, i met with a mother and son who are in the city for the weekend from florida as part of a charity program that i work with from time to time because i believe it is important to use our skills for more than just making money. 

we met near times square  and took a few photos there to have some fun and so i could get them warmed up to the camera. then we went to radio city  to get some photos under the marquee, and to the christmas tree at  30 rock. they were so much fun and we’re not shy about posing and getting into it.

all of this was leading up to a visit to st paul’s cathedral , where the mother wanted to visit to commemorate the one-year anniversary of her husband’s death by spreading a small portion of his ashes outside of the church and lighting a candle for him at the altar of st. jude. when we arrived at the church, the mood turned somber, and i could feel the emotions welling up like yoda feels disturbances in the force. 

we found a nice quiet corner amongst the chaos, just outside the doors on the north side of the cathedral where there was a statue dedicated to st francis of assisi. it was at his feet that they deposited the remains. even amongst the chaos, with millions of tourists in a teeming crowd just steps away, it was as if we were totally alone. no one entered the space while we were there, like there was a ward in place keeping curious onlookers from disturbing the impromptu ceremony. it is difficult to find words to express the complete immersion in the moment, the absolute presence of my whole being, that i experienced during this experience.

i was deeply moved, and feel honored to have been entrusted to be present for such an intimate and important moment in these individual’s lives. days like today are why i love photography. 

Dinosaurs Will Die

it’s an overused phrase in our culture. above and beyond. it means we’ll surpass competitors in all metrics that matter. or that we’ll do more than what is customary. raising the bar and pushing the limits.  

but the bar is moving and the limits are arbitrary. expectations are higher than they’ve ever been when it comes to photography and video. engineers are designing products that can do automatically what used to require whole teams of highly-trained industry-honed experts to accomplish. what once required tens of thousands of investment can now be acquired for a few hundred bucks. 

a smartphone with a decent lens - a moment wide or a moment tele, for example - can produce better results than a lot of entry-level dslr cameras, and because engineers have built apps that tap into the full potential of the onboard computers and lenses on these phones, dslr-like manual control is at our fingertips. there are even smartphone manufacturers teasing 48-megapixel cameras with built-in zoom. 

so why am i still tied to the old paradigm, packing around several pounds of lenses and a giant full-frame camera? 

in my case, the answer is simple. i have been using my canon 5d mark iii for six years. i know the shit out of it and can manipulate it to produce exacting results without having to fumble around with quirky touch screen and slider nonsense. because of my familiarity with my equipment, and the fact that it still produces images that are far higher resolution and with more character than my smartphone is capable of, i’m still in the game. 

but that won’t last forever. a time will come that these pocket cameras will surpass the capabilities of their predecessors. as long as it’s still able to snap off an image, i’ll continue use my old dslr dinosaur. even if i can see the asteroids in the sky that herald the end of its era in the form of mirrorless and smartphone cameras, i’m not sure i’ll ever fall out of love with the way it feels and functions, but i know its star is fading. 

going back to the point i was circling around at the beginning of this post, i can’t help but wonder, in this era of technology flux, what does it mean to go above and beyond? is it enough to be friendly, accommodating, and have a good eye matched with a decent camera anymore? or is there something else we need to be? where is the bar and how far away is the outer limit? where will these boundaries lie in three years? five? ten?  

in the same way that i am anxious about putting myself out there in new channels that are eating away at my revenues despite my conviction that diversification is paramount to survival, i wonder in what ways i need to diversify my skill set in order to ensure i survive the tectonic technology shift that is happening under my feet. what are the photography customers of tomorrow going to expect from me? what types of photography will become irrelevant as pocket cameras become more capable, particularly when it comes to low-light performance and AI-driven assistance mechanisms that help with things like color corrections,  orientation, and framing that have been the bread and butter of the professional camera world for years. 

will portraiture be a thing of the past? what about event photography? will anyone hire professionals for family photos anymore when they can just get a friend to snap a few images of them sitting in a field smiling? 

is it stupid of me to hold out any hope that professional photography will survive long enough for it to be a meaningful piece of my income stream in years to come?   

i know that adaptation will be essential, but what to adapt in to is a looming question.   

i don’t have an answer yet. but it’s on my mind. 

Can’t Help But Yelp

i’m questioning my  yelp decision. it’s costing me way more than the other avenues that i’m using for booking, and the margins are a lot tighter. like i know that i am still turning a profit this month, but just barely. and only if all of the future bookings i have on the calendar come through. i’m nervous. 

i get why i did it. why i set myself on this path and why i chose to take a chance on the  yelp ads. long-term, the rationale seems strong to me. get yelp reviews, build from acquisitive to organic growth. but damn if i don’t wonder whether i’d be better off not wasting my time. 

its not like i am getting paid more per job through yelp than i am through thumbtack. every day i think about throwing in the towel.  plugging the wound to stop the bleeding. i am still ahead and getting less so by the day. 

but i refuse to let myself do that. why? 

well, number one, this isn’t a get rich quick scheme and it’s not meant to be an overnight success story. two, if my recent interactions with other pros that stick to the one or two channels they’ve gotten comfortably rutted into have taught me anything, it’s that without diversification, there is greater potential for devastation. and three, who knows where the seeds i’m planting now will find fertile soil and take roots?  

because of yelp, and the clients it is bringing me, my work will begin to find its way into the lives of people all over the world. who knows what could come of that? 

today, i needed to remind myself to hold steady. to keep the faith and carry on. 

Do the Hustle

a couple of months ago, made the firm commitment to pursue photography professionally - on a part-time basis (for now) - i was absolutely giddy when i booked a $75 job. and i was over the moon when they paid $100 and left a glowing review on my thumbtack  profile. 

two months later my book has grown to nearly $3,000, and i have clients scheduled into June. 

earlier this week, i was contacted by a potential client through yelp for a day that i already have a booking, and so i reached out to a friend who is a pro photographer to see if he was looking for gigs and willing to take this one. he told me that he was actually just looking on indeed  for another job because he has to pay rent on his office and hasn’t booked enough work this month to cover his costs. he was really grateful for the referral and said that it would really help him a lot to work one more job this month. 

the next day, i heard from the client again and told them that i was not free but sent them his details. i was glad to hear that the individual reached out to my friend and that they were talking. 

then, today i spoke to the photographer and he told me that the client was being difficult; that they wouldn’t get on the phone with him. that they were trying to arrange the whole job through text. he told me that they were holding the event that he was being asked to photograph an event in astoria/steinway, and that he didn’t want to drive out there. he said that he didn’t think he really needed to be there for the whole duration of the event to get the job done. and on these points, i was friendly. i agreed that he really didn’t necessarily need to commit to being available for five whole hours. i was just trying to help and felt bad that the client wasn’t ideal. 

but part of me couldn’t help but think, if this person is struggling to pay the bills. if he doesn’t have enough work from his current client base, then why is he hungry for work but not willing to give everything he’s got to make this client happy? why create these arbitrary limitations on what he’s willing to do? and wasn’t it worth going out of his way to do a good job for a client that came from a totally different cohort than the people he normally works with? wasn’t it worth taking a  chance at breaking into a totally new market? 

i want to make it clear, this photographer is really top notch. truly talented, and a really nice person. i really respect this person? both before and after this situation. 

as i was contemplating all of this, it occurred to me that my friend might have lost his sense of hustle.   he had gotten too used to doing things a certain way, to the point of having more stipulations than the client. 

so here we are, the full-time photographer with not enough work on the calendar to get through the month, and the part time photographer with too many clients—more work than i can accommodate.  

and the only thing separating us is our willingness to hustle. 

Too Many Mind

today is one of those days that had my mind spinning in too many directions at once to have any clarity about which angle i should face to deploy my energy. 

i’ve preloaded two separate posts and ditched them because i could feel myself forcing definitive words onto ideas that are only half-formed at best. 

so i chose to step back. i chose to reflect. to allow my thoughts to mature.  

but that doesn’t mean i will allow myself to be frozen into inaction. i will push through this. i will sleep on my thoughts and dream then into submission. and then i will submit them. 

Digital Monks

every day we carry water. up one thousand digital steps, we push against the entropy and the apathy that is just as much part of our nature and the natural world around us as this drive to survive, to thrive, and to conquer. we are the digital monks, putting in our creative reps until they no longer encumber us. until they are so second nature that we can’t imagine a life without them. so that when the life we chose adds complexity, we are ready. our creative muscles no longer too weak to bear the load that we desire to carry. so that we can enjoy the work. and succeed. 

that is why we blog. my crew and i. the why behind the what. every day we discuss one thing. sometimes two. because it is a part of the process. and it’s a process we chose to be a part of. because we have big dreams, and we chose to be ready for them when they find us. because they always find us, but it’s up to us to recognize when they’ve arrived, and to be ready to pick them up  and  carry them. 

The Walk Away

as the old saying goes, you can’t make everybody happy. of course the intent is to be a built-in excuse for our shortcomings and those of our species. to make us feel better about all the people we’ve pissed off. but when you’re running a business that is so entirely dependent upon your reputation, it takes on a whole new meaning. 

a couple of weeks ago, i reached out to a potential client who had posted a need for a portrait photographer. as we exchanged messages, i felt the client trying to expand the scope of the job. i’m eager to please, and really looking to keep my calendar booked, so i looked past this. then, the client became argumentative. it would have been easy to throw down and defend myself, but i chose not to engage and to keep all of my communication positive. i could feel that this person was looking for me to fight back, but as with most people who are looking for a fight, when they don’t get it, they’ll get bored and walk away. in this case, that held true. the client said they’ll find another photog, and i wished them success. 

then, a few days ago, i got another message. the individual said that they changed their mind and they’d like to work with me over the weekend. i had no bookings this weekend so i was open to it, if a bit hesitant. while we were talking, an old friend and i started talking and it turns out she is the booking manager for a studio in bushwick.   

i took this as an auspicious sign. maybe this photo shoot would work out after all. but then the asks started coming in. do you have connections? can you help me get into modeling? i wanted to help. i thought for a minute, what if this is an opportunity? i’m a solid writer. i’m a good photog, and i know how to talk to people. but then reality struck. as i was spiraling down this path of possibility, my wife snapped me out of it.  thank the universe for that.  

i’m not an agent. i’m not trying to become an agent. and as much as i do want to break into the fashion industry as a resource for my photography, working with an emotion-driven and over-reaching potential client is not the way to do it. 

in retrospect, even though i mourn the lost opportunity to work on some new techniques and hone my craft, i still view this as a net positive. because i have already set my goals and it’s not up to my clients or anyone else to set them for me. 

Oh, the Humanity

one of the things that my recent clients have told me about why they decided to hire me over other photographers they contacted to request quotes was that in my message to them, i treated them like human beings rather than a payday. 

the first time i heard this, i was really surprised, because it just  wouldn’t occurs to me to treat humans like anything other than humans. but i suppose it shouldn’t be surprising that there are photographers out there who maybe don’t really like people and only deal with them because it’s the only way to make a living doing photography. or who have been in the trenches so long that they forget that while for them professional photography is an everyday thing, for their clients, it is a very special thing. 

i guess the reason i’m posting this is twofold. first, i want to impress upon anyone who is looking to start making money at photography the importance of having empathy for your clients, of being kind, thoughtful and sensitive to your clients’ needs and ambitions. and secondly, it is to remind future me, when i’ve been at it for a longer period of time, not to fall into the same trap as these other photogs who have lost sight of why they became photographers in the first place. 

don’t worry, i’m not going to  drone on about this, but let me end with a point. every interaction matters. with every person. whether they’re a client or just someone you bump into on the street. you never know when our how you might run into that stranger you were rude to again in the future, and they might be the gatekeeper between you and something you’re trying to attain or achieve in this life. if there is nothing else that drives you to be kind, let that be your motivation. 

treat people well in your everyday life and it will come as second nature to do the same for your prospective clients. and since i have actual evidence to back this up, i can say confidently that  they will appreciate it. it might even be the difference between getting hired or getting passed on for another photographer.  

The After Action Review

what was supposed to happen? what did happen? what went right? what went wrong? what should we add to our plan for next time?  

five questions. five essential questions that you must ask yourself after every exercise in order to add that real-time element to the learning process.  

and let’s talk about that for a moment, the learning process. i think sometimes it’s easy to see someone who has made it and only see the success. but what you’re really seeing when you see success is a process applied and proven. 

the after action review is the process that i learned, one of the few lessons that i still hold on to from my days in the military. it’s an underrated reason why our military is one of the best in the world. think of it as instant learning. 

so let’s use a real-life example to show how this works. 

 what was supposed to happen?   

i wanted to take a photo of a couple standing under the lights in time’s square looking up and over the camera with a blur of the crowd and traffic around them. i would light them with my softbox so that they stood out a bit more. once i had the shot of them in place, i would have them move aside and capture several half-second exposures of the crowd and traffic moving, then stack these images for the blur effect i wanted.

 what did happen?   

when i dug in my bag, i realized that i was missing my flash trigger, so there was no way i could take the exact shot i had planned in my mind. i improvised and had them stand very still for a half-second, and while the shutter was open, i used the pilot button on my flash to set it off and light them. since i had to do this several times to get it right, i didn’t have time to get the ambient shots i was planning on getting and i had to work with just one bit of crowd and traffic blur. 

 what went right?   

first of all, i didn’t freak out and lose my cool when i realized the flash trigger wasn’t in my bag. the lighting workaround worked as i hoped it would and i ended up getting two good takes out of the several that i attempted. the couple was very patient. while the photos looked a bit messy out of camera, i was able to edit them into shape and the final result is, while not 100% what i wanted, a really good shot that i was happy to send out. given that the client only contacted me the morning of the session asking if i was free that night, and that i had to rush home to queens after work, eat a quick dinner, grab my bag and run out the door with only about five minutes for a quick gear check, i would say it went a lot more right than it could have. 

 what went wrong?   

first off, i tried to do something for a client that i’ve never done before. that was probably stupid of me. next, i didn’t do a full visual inspection of my gear before leaving the house, and i didn’t do a good job of packing up after my last photo shoot either because as it turns out i left my flash trigger behind and now have to go retrieve it. so that is two counts of failing to do proper equipment checks. 

 what should i add to my plan to improve for next time?   

i can make printed checklists that force me to check for every piece of gear in my bag before leaving for and from gigs. and i can go to time’s square at night when i have an hour to take test shots of the moving crowd to experiment and learn the specifics of how to get the effect i’m going for. 

 —

so that’s it. an after action review. one gig, two valuable lessons that if applied, already make me a consistently better photographer than anyone who hasn’t learned those lessons for themselves. the accumulation of these over time become my own personal manual of how to become a better photographer. it is a process, and not one that can be completed overnight. but one lesson at a time, or in this case, two, it will happen. and one day people will look at your work and see the results of your process. they will look for mistakes, and they won’t find them, because you will have learned not to make them. 

Bag Check

always. always. always check your bag. for every little piece. it’s a very appropriate lesson to remember in the month of december: make a list and check your bag twice!! complete a visual and a tactile inspection of your kit. 

last night i got called out for a last-minute photo shoot with a couple from israel who were in town for hanukkah. they were so lovely. the nicest. and i wanted to give them the best pictures possible. 

so we met in time’s square where i had a shot in mind that i was really tied to. basically, i set up my softbox, i set for a half-second exposure, and i got the settings dialed in to get that blurred crowd effect around them while they looked up beyond the camera, gazing up at the lights and surrounded by them with wonder in their eyes. 

here’s the thing. i checked my bag and thought i felt my flash trigger in my bag. but it wasn’t in there. in my hast to get out the door, i left it at home somewhere. so i had to improvise. since it was a long exposure on the tripod, i set for manual focus and locked them in. then i stood with one hand on my camera and one hand on the pilot aka test button on my flash. i actuated the camera, then immediately triggered the flash. it sort of worked. and truth is, i got a version of the shot that i am happy with. 

but the point is,   

always check your bag! for everryyythinnggg-gah!!!

because not having something you are counting on to get a certain shot can really mess with your mojo. i basically was relegated to using my canon 430 ex ii speedlight flash in hand with a gary fong mounted onto it. a lot of people give the fong shade, but honestly, it’s a decent little piece of kit and i’ve gotten some great results with it. it’s not a perfect solution, but it’s a solid backup. 

just a side note, i have a great pair of speedlights that allow me some pretty great flexibility when shit hits the fan. my  canon speedlight, when i hit the pilot button, holds a medium-powered beam for about one second, so i can trigger that and then actuate my shutter, getting a semi-soft light on my subjects as long as the flash isn’t too far away. the pilot function on my yongnuo  560, on the other hand, triggers the flash at whatever manual power i’ve set it to. so for the long exposure shot, the yongnuo  worked like a charm, and for the rest of the photos, the canon was my weapon of choice. 

but i digress. it’s good to have options. backups. contingency plans. because shit will go wrong and you can’t call a time out when you’re an hour from home and on the clock. what is even better though is to not need them because you   

checked your fucking bag!!!  

 

Stella

i met a woman on the subway the other day. she was older than me, maybe late 40s but had that young spirit that made it hard to guess at her age. the subway wasn’t too crowded, just a couple of out-of-towners and a male-born applying some pretty fantastic make-up on the bench across from us.  

she seemed a bit lonely, and kind of kept the convo going even though i wasn’t a very good participant at first. we had that chat about how the trains on the weekend were always a surprise, kind of like the new york  equivalent of a pair of minnesotans talking about the weather. we were on the f, which was running on the e line before getting back on the f line and then rerouting to the g line. what a fucking mess. 

so she sees my gear bags, and asks if i’ve got a pool cue. i tell her no, that’s my light stand. that i just got done shooting some headshots and getting some candids for a client and i’m heading to do some portraits for a friend of mine who is into the video game.    

she says oh that’s cool, and then says she used to do a lot of photography. that she loved it so much that she got a job working at a camera store so she could get good deals on equipment, and then that led to her getting a job teaching for a lot of years. she was into the film side of photography and said her apartment was full of equipment and one of these days she was going to retire and set up her dark room again. i laughed and told her i only work in photography now so i can buy more gear and she nodded knowingly.

right when the conversation started getting good, she got to her stop. i introduced myself before she got off, and she told me her name was stella. we didn’t exchange contact information or anything, and you know that is probably a good thing since you never know with these people you meet on the subway. but i felt a pang when she left, like just felt like i wanted to give her a few more minutes of my time to help her feel less lonely. and who knows, maybe she could show me how to work in a darkroom and i could show her how to use  lightroom.  

anyway, i guess i’ll have to get someone else to show me those ropes, but at least i had a good chat on the train. better than what i get from the fucking mta most days.  

Take My Money (So I Can Make My Money)

when the word investment enters the room, backs subconsciously straighten, shoulders unslouch themselves, and throats can’t help but to clear. investment is a word that invokes the contrasting imagery of either tailored suits in the fast lane or pleated khakis and monotonous diatribes about responsibility. wolf of wall street but on one side, ben stein on the other. but regardless of bias toward a vision of success or stodginess, the word investment most often makes people think of money (although too often, people like to skip over the money and work that goes in and think immediately of the returns on investment).

money is an integral component of investment. it takes money to acquire the equipment that can help us achieve our ends, whether that equipment be some tool of trade, knowledge of a process, or just more money that we intend to turn into even more money. it’s easy to want to scrimp on investment, to try and reach the goal with the least amount of capital expenditure. it’s important to be a good steward so that’s totally valid. but there are some things you just can’t cut corners on.

one form of investment that i’m currently experimenting with is advertising. i am working with yelp to promote my photography business so that i can grow my client base and accumulate positive reviews that will propel my listing to the top of the results so that i hopefully no longer need to advertise in six months or so. as it stands, i’ll be putting in about $300 per month to push my listing to the top of the search results. and to be completely honest, that number makes me nervous.

in the hours and days after i agreed to try out the program, my mind was running through a loop of “what if i don’t book any clients and i just end up wasting $300+ trying this out” and “what if i only book enough clients to cover the cost of the advertising program and essentially working for free to put money into yelp’s pockets?” my other concern has been that the amount of money i have to pay per ad click is pretty high and there’s no guarantee that i’ll even get a booking or serious inquiry out of each engagement.

one week after signing up, the advertising program cost tally is at $92. of that, $27 was attributable to a concentrated effort to get my page out there in the final days of november, and $65 has been racked up so far in december. as a new joiner, i also have a $100 free ad budget per month for six months, and so far, yelp has debited $34 from that balance this month.

so where does that leave me?

well, from the period running november 28 through december 4, my ad has been clicked 11 times, with a total of 1,495 impressions. from those clicks and impressions, i’ve received messages from nine potential clients, and from that, i’ve secured two bookings, which together will represent $375 of revenue, essentially covering all the cost of my december advertising budget plus a bit of cushion. if both photo shoots go well, and both clients post positive reviews, that will be a really big win. why? because at the end of the day, i’m not paying for advertising, i’m paying for access to clients that will review my work so that my listing appears higher in the organic listings on yelp and i can book more business.

when i spoke on the phone with my account representative, who was super cool and definitely knew how to butter me up to feel good about myself, she was surprised that i was so willing to invest and didn’t put up a fight. she said that most of the people she talks to don’t understand how investing a bit extra upfront on yelp goes a long way toward ensuring long-term success on the platform. and while i haven’t proven the concept out just yet, i can’t argue with her logic.

when i break out the cost per click on my ad versus the revenue per client on a purely right now basis, the profit margin is dismally low. but taking into consideration that every booking now is getting me one step closer to an organic search-based booking in the future, that margin becomes a lot more attractive. let’s just say for example that i book two more gigs this month - completely reasonable at this rate - bringing total revenue for the month to $700 versus total investment of $300. that’s a $400 profit now. and let’s just say for example that during the next six months, i continue at the same run rate, booking four clients per month and bringing in $400 in profit. if even half of those clients leave positive reviews - or any reviews at all - i will end the six-month period with 24 reviews (or as many as 48 if i can inspire all of my clients to leave a review). when i browse yelp for photographers in queens, ny, where i am based, there is not a single one who has anywhere near that many reviews. even for the entire new york city area, 48 reviews will boost me to a very comfortable position in the organic search results. so for a total of $1,800, all of which should be covered by my revenues, i will reach a position where advertisement and solicitation is completely unnecessary.

for $1,800, i could be in a position that 100% of my revenues (minus tax) from inbound inquiries become profit. revenues that i would have had to scramble and fight for otherwise. and what’s more, the $1,800 should be tax deductible, and therefore the real money investment will be even less than that.

so the lesson here is, yes, it’s hard to part with my dollars. but instead of being nervous that i made the wrong call, like i was a week ago when i agreed to try this program out, i am confident that i am making the right decisions to establish myself for the long haul.

and that right there is the heart of it: the point of my foray into advertising as an investment. getting a gig here and there is essential for where i am today, but establishing a pipeline of gigs is what gets me where i want to be tomorrow. 

Quitters (or, A Tale of Two Singers)

ever since i signed my walking papers and left the army, i’ve dreamed of working independently. for a long time, i dreamed of being a musician, earning my way around the world one performance at a time. that never really worked out for me. part of it was because even though i have a unique style, and i am not terrible at music, i’m really just not that good. you know, like that that good. pitch perfect type shit. and the truth is, even if i am good enough, i never really pursued it commercially at the level that was necessary in order to find success. 

just the other day, i surprised myself by telling my wife that i wish i had discovered photography in my early twenties. maybe if i has pursued the path of the lens instead of throwing myself at the wall as a musician for all those years, i would have my own studio right now. but then again, i never would have met her, and i wouldn’t have had so many of the amazing experiences in life that inform and inspire my art today.  

just the other day, we attended a benefit gala in brooklyn, and at the event, there were two singer-songwriters who performed. the first was a female artist. mid-20s, appreciably beautiful, and with a crass attitude that didn’t quite match her gala gown. she said that she left her job in social work a couple of years ago to pursue music full-time. during her introduction, she was said to have written songs that were featured in a netflix series and a bollywood movie or something to that effect, so she was obviously not doing all that bad for herself in the grand scheme. 

the next performer was a mid-20s male artist  who was wearing some gaudy but well-tailored plaid pants. pants only fit for celebrities and stages. pants that are memorable long after the wearer has been forgotten, a point i can attest to because they were the only physical feature about this young man that i can recall. i guess that means they did their job. this gentleman, however, didn’t have a job. he also left the workforce in order to pursue music full-time. 

the female artist’s performance began with her strumming an out-of-tune electric guitar before she opened her mouth and angels poured out. she had an absolutely stunning voice and it was clear she was a true talent. she performed a rendition of chandelier  that stole the breath out of me and put me into emotional regulation mode. can’t be tearing up in public over a fucking song, dude. not cool.   

when the male artist performed, it felt very...open mic. like he was good, but he should  not have followed that girl. he was audibly nervous, rushing his way through the first song until he reached a part that switched from english to hindi and his actual talent came out. for three short bars, this guy was a star. unfortunately, the rest of his set was less than inspiring. 

i’m not here to talk shit or rain on anyone’s parade. i wish both of these individuals nothing but success, and could tell from the talents they displayed that if they apply the right levels of  focus and discipline to their craft, they could really make a career of it if that’s what they want to do by the time they get to the point that it’s an actual choice.

but seeing them up there got me to thinking. when i was in my mid-20s, i was convinced that there was no other path for me than a career in music. i applied myself to it so forcefully and was so adamant that even when people tried to tell me that i wasn’t good enough to make it to the top  no matter what pants i wore , i wouldn’t listen. that’s not to say i haven’t written some bangers. i’m proud of what i accomplished in my songwriting, and i’ll never regret the time i spent chasing that dream. 

as i write this now, i am falling off  the cliff of my mid-30s, beginning the downward descent into oldness. and a part of me longs for the days when i could just walk away from it all. i’d love to just put in my notice and go full bore into the pursuit of a photography career. and i might just do that. but the experience of age has taught me that even if i do choose that path, there is a responsible approach to it that i must take in order for it to work. 

so here i sit on a crowded morning train, ten years too old and surrounded by angry commuters with a bad case of the  tuesday blues .

dreaming responsibly. 

Moment of Truth

most of the time, i’m not a monday person. i mean, most people aren’t. you either do what you love without regard for weekends or weekdays, or you have an at minimum general disdain for monday morning. maybe i’m generalizing a bit here and playing off an archetype a little too loosely, but i think  the point is sound. 

this monday morning, however, was way better than most for me. i received an email from the co-founder of a company in the photography space that i very highly regard (let’s put it this way, they collaborate with casey neistat) telling me that a suggestion i posed to his team is something he wants to pursue seriously. we exchanged a couple more emails, and left off with me essentially getting an assignment to present some of the things i like most about off-camera flash as it applies to the dslr/mirrorless world of portraiture. 

so here i am at my desk, slogging away at the daily grind and trying to keep my head in this game. meanwhile inside my mind i’m not even at the office today. i’m in a design studio and i’ve already fully-weighed all of the functions that this potential product would have to include to be a bang-on success. 

whether this is something that actually comes to fruition or not, i feel the inertia building, and i can’t help but feel that i’m reaching critical mass on something that is truly great:

a defining moment in the making.  

About Last Night

it would’ve been easy to skip a day. easier than posting what was essentially a holding-on-for-dear-life attempt to not skip a beat.

i was horizontal, in bed, 11 p.m., and totally exhausted from two photo sessions. ok realistically, it was more like three. i was out of the house before 8:30 a.m. to photograph a campaign launch and take portraits for a marathon training program. then it was off to richmond hill to meet up with nai guy and hook him up with some pro shots for his stock henry (hip hop) and bad knees studios (videography) endeavors. 

by the time i got home, i felt like i had run a marathon. ok i guess since i’ve never run one i shouldn’t use that metaphor, but it felt fitting in this case.  

so when i was laying in bed, after spending an hour or so looking at travel destinations for a huge trip wifey and i are planning next year, i could barely keep my eyes open.  in fact, i wrote that post four times last night, and fell asleep in the middle of writing it three of those times. initially, it was four paragraphs, but somehow when i fell asleep the first time i erased most of the post. so then i rewrote it into three paragraphs and  fell asleep again, re-deleting what i had wrote. after that happened two more times, and i dropped my phone on the floor the final time, i eventually settled on a single paragraph and just published it before i could screw it up again.

i guess the point is that i did it.  

even if it wasn’t much, it wasn’t nothing.

i didn’t let it slip. i know there will probably be days when i want to. when i forget to post. when i don’t prioritize. and even when i don’t want to look at this blog because i am on another train of thought. but for now, i’m solvent. and it feels so good. thanks for the person who isn’t letting me slip. this discipline will pay off.

first learn to build, then build something worthy of your training.

Productivity

too productive in life to write about today. lessons to be shared. photos for example. look for sometime real tomorrow. but for now, must sleep.  

They Really [Don’t] Like Me

what am i doing wrong? or not doing right? that is what goes through my head every time i look at instagram.

i mean, am i not any good? i see other photographers and fuck just regular people who wouldn’t know how to dial in the perfect shot with intention if there was real money riding on it. i see them rolling in likes and follows. what are they doing that i’m not? 

 i’m even so pathetic that i’ve stooped to watching videos about how to grow my follows and likes. but the things i hear, well, i think they’re bullshit—dishonest and schemey.  

join a pod of people who like each others posts to boost exposure? nope. what’s the point of that? 

follow people so they follow you and then unfollow them later? hate that shit. 

use one thousand hashtags so that my photos get noticed? doable, but honestly  who has time for that?! and also, the people i already have following me hate that shit. just can’t win. 

pay for advertisements so that my photos get put in front of more people? could do that but honestly is that going to turn into revenue? probably not. 

and with that in mind, does it actually matter at all? not really. so why does it bother me that i don’t get as many likes and follows as i’m seeing on other people’s posts? that i don’t have droves of people fawning over my work? 

i guess the short answer is that i am human and i crave validation. i mean, i am getting paid for my work, and receiving rave reviews from my clients. that should be more than enough, and it usually is. except when i open insta and see that i have fewer followers than when i last logged on. 

part of me wants to  scrap this post. chalk it up to an emo moment of weakness and just firm up. but i think it’s important to talk about this. i know i’m not the only person who stresses over this. just the other day i was watching one of brendan van son’s youtube videos and he said that there are a lot of people out there who think you should get 10,000 followers before you start trying to get paid for your photography. 

...10,000?!?!?!  

i don’t even have six fucking hundred. how the hell am i going to get to 10,000 when half the follows i do get disappear within a week of showing up? did i mention that i hate that shit? stupid follow unfollow game.  

but here’s the thing. you don’t need any followers to get paid for photography. you don’t even need an instagram account. 

what you  need  to get paid for photography is a decent camera, a basic understanding of how to make it work in various lighting and movement-speed scenarios, and some decent lighting—which is wayyyyy cheaper to come by than when i started out six years ago (my new yongnuo 560 flash was about $50, compared that with my canon 430 ex ii, which still goes for around $250). 

does this mean you should abandon instagram? definitely not. it’s a platform, and it’s one you should nurture, so that if you ever do get exposure that drives traffic to your page, you’ve got a solid body of work for them to rub up against. 

but - and this is me talking to me right now - don’t let the volume of follows and likes tell you how valid you are. 

post good content, and the right people will appreciate it. 

volume of engagements can’t be the only goal. instead, try placing a higher value on depth of impact. 

and remember:

you probably didn’t get into photography to be loved for what you do, but rather to be in love with what you do. 

Weird Flex

early on in my photography journey, i acquired the canon 24-105mm f/4 is lens, and for the course of six years, it barely ever came off my 5d mark iii. 

when i broke that lens a couple of months ago (i realize that i talk about this a lot lately), i finally understood what smashing pumpkins was referring to with melancholy and the infinite sadness.  

but once i got over the shock of it, i realized it was probably the best thing that’s happened to my photography game in a really long time. i say this because with that lens, i was way too comfortable. maybe that’s not always a bad thing, but when it comes to creativity, comfort is not a great catalyst. 

now with my new gear set up, i have to be creative, rather than simple being iterative and falling back on my previous experience, to get the shot. 

i should’ve realized i was in need of something new to drive my photography to the next level when i opted not to take my 5d mark iii to bangladesh. instead, i packed my iphone and my new moment  wide and telephoto lenses.  

 but sometimes it takes a traumatic experience to force us to accept that we need change. hopefully if you’re reading this, you can avoid the trauma. 

i don’t think that it always comes down to new equipment and spending money, but in my case, that’s the shape that the water took when it filled my glass (that’s a lens pun). 

all of this is to say, the best thing you can do for itself is to

get weird and flex new muscles.