Three

three. that’s how many jobs i worked yesterday. i started the day in central park at 8:30 a.m. working with a running coach to produce some images for a campaign, headed to my office to edit those images, then went to time’s square to meet a a mother and son to take some photos for a charity i’m working with (discussed in more detail in yesterday’s post). and then finally, i headed to bushwick after getting a last-minute call from an old friend who needed a photographer for her studio’s holiday party. that wrapped up at midnight and i didn’t make it back to queens until almost 2 a.m. 

that is what i was talking about in my do the hustle post a few days ago. 

to be honest, my wife was less than thrilled with me for taking the last-minute gig, and she has told me that i need to slow down the pace a bit. as much as i want to be doing photography every chance i get, she’s more important to me than photos and like i told her yesterday, i would rather throw all my gear away and never take another picture than have it be a problem in our relationship. eventually we worked it out, but i should probably write a post about balance here at some point. once i figure out what that means for me. 

so three gigs in one day was definitely crossing the line. i was mentally and physically exhausted, and as great of a networking opportunity last night was, i wonder if it is going to come back to bite me later. like i met all of these amazing people in the industry who do this full-time, and i wonder how much my connections with them will be disruptive to the equilibrium that i am working to establish in my life. i fear that i may be called upon to pick up the pace when my wife has told me that she wants me to slow down. when she has told me that she doesn’t want to stand in the way of my big opportunity, but that she is also not thrilled with the idea of me working full-time on my salary job and full-time again on photography. 

i struggle with knowing what the right move is. do i throw caution to the wind and take the path of ego, the path of a fool who believes destiny is calling? or do i approach all of this with discipline and candor, with an understanding that at least until i retire, full-time photography is probably not a realistic option for me? 

i also wonder if the dualistic lens i have locked on my body at the moment is fit to the task, whether there is a third option on the table that i’m not contemplating or able to see from my current vantage point. 

i wish i had an answer.