TGIF

i don’t really have much to offer today. it’s been a hell of a week, getting pushed around at work, realizing it’s time to prepare for a major adjustment even if the circumstances aren’t completely ideal - i would prefer to hold steady until june, but that feels like less of an option than i’d like it to be). it’s not all bad, though. i had a breakthrough yesterday and it helped boost my morale and standing, but there is an ever-mounting pile of negative that feels like it far outweighs the positive right now.

truth is, objectively, i can take the heat and knowing i am only a few short months away from the next step anyway should be enough to keep me going. part of me is of the conviction that i need to man up and just do my job. but the other part believes that we only have one life and to waste it by staying in a negative situation for any amount of time is irresponsible. the angel and demon on my shoulder are losing sleep lately as they debate the merits of each diverging path as i stand awaiting their consensus in my own personal yellow wood.

the good news is, it’s friday, and i won’t have to think about most of this over the weekend. even though i have some heavy stuff to deal with over the weekend on a personal front, i find myself being so basic in that i am so fucking glad it’s friday right now.

Non-Stop

it seems like i am constantly in motion lately, with barely a breathe between one activity and another. occasionally, i start to feel like it’s a bit overwhelming, and that has a tendency to trigger a whole sequence of messages in my mind, all of which amount to some form of justification for why i should let myself step back and cool off for a bit. like a smoke break without the cigarette.

my aim right now is to listen to those messages, but not to let them be in charge. i don’t have to obey them.

my practice now is to remind myself that everything i am doing - even the job i really don’t care for - has a purpose, and is part of a bigger plan to bring me to the next tier in life. my job pays the bills and affords me the ability to save money, and the thought of being able to use that savings toward purchasing a home next year brings me joy. my photography brings me joy. my fiction writing brings me joy. and planning for upcoming travel brings me joy. even searching for a new job and submitting applications brings me joy. my pursuit of physical fitness brings me joy. and most of all, my time with shanima brings me joy. just as importantly, the lack of any of these activities in my life would detract from my overall sense of fulfillment and joy. and no, i haven’t watched the marie kondo show on netflix but we’ve all seen the memes.

i have friends around the city who ask me when we’re going to have time to hang out, and i always feel bad about basically having to tell them that i don’t have time. i used to be so relaxed and free, and i would drop anything to hang with a friend or help them out. because of my life choices, i no longer have that luxury. i do miss it, being the go-to guy. always smiling, cracking jokes and supplying a much-needed dose of rowdiness to the world around me. but i’ve made my choices. they’ve brought me to where i am, and i stand by them. not for too long, though. i don’t have time to just be standing around.

Moving On

yesterday was an epiphany. i realized that i’m in the wrong line of work, and it’s time for a change. financial journalism has been good to me, both in terms of the people it has brought into my life, and in terms of the economic returns on my time, but i am just not feeling it anymore. i am not a person who believes in working nights and weekends constantly; in always being on call and never being able to fully commit to anything but the job, especially when i am working for a manager that takes every opportunity to cut me down and minimize my commitments. in short, i am letting the job go. not immediately, of course. i’m going to maintain the position until someone picks up the phone and calls me, but i have one foot out the door.

this morning, with the help of my loving and supportive wife shanima, i applied for four different positions that are way more suited to the type of work that i would like to be doing. we’ve got all our fingers and toes crossed and hope that the response will be positive. and now that the resume is brushed up and dusted off, and i have a solid cover letter template put together, i’m ready for anything that pops up.

truth be told, it’s been a really long time since i applied for a job. i did dabble in it a bit last year, but mostly that was for communications positions that were aspirational within the city government. i didn’t really put a lot of weight behind those, especially since i was in most cases very late in the game applying for them (some posts had been online for more than one month). prior to that, i have been recruited for the last two jobs i took, and so it’s been almost four years since i last sent out a resume and cover letter.

if my efforts bear fruit, i’ll probably talk a bit about that process, because in the past i’ve had a lot of success. but first i should make sure i’m not so rusty that i give bad advice.

in the meantime, i am going to keep going to work, keep doing what i am committed to doing, and not let the negativity that encircles me bring me down. i consider this a test, a challenge to my fortitude and resilience.

i will prevail.

Sideways

i hate days like today. i had early shift at work - meaning i signed on at home from 6am to 9am, and the team that was supposed to take over at 9an was delayed so i had to stay on until 9:15am. then, at 10am i had to sit in for a court hearing until 1pm when the next shift took that job over. at that point, i was planning on heading in to the b&h depth of field conference for an hour or so to take advantage of the model booths that they have set up to grab some photos for my portfolio. but of course as soon as i was about to get up from my desk, someone had to get a really juicy lead on a situation i’m covering, so i ended up getting sucked into that for the next two hours. and once that was all done, it was time to pow wow with the court hearing coverage team and compile our notes, which essentially took until 7pm. and now i’m finally out of the apartment and headed to the in-laws for dinner. i feel so battered and drained, and i still have a deadline that i’m not going to meet tonight for work because the rest of the team that i’m working with on that story is lagging and i’m going to get shit for it from my boss, who loves any and all opportunities to point out my the shortcomings of his subordinates.

on the upside, i did get through the edits from this week’s shoot with my regular client, along with some tasty images from a shoot with shanima on sunday night. and i did book another session with one of my favorite people. and i’m expecting to hear from another potential new client tonight or in the near term. so all in all, photo realm is on point. i also figured out a few key points that i’m going to be walking through in the fiction blog this week. so it wasn’t a total wash. but damn if i really wasn’t looking forward to getting my ass to that conference today. tomorrow i’m going to head over there. i didn’t get my break today after early shift, so i’ll take it then. i just hope the still have to photo booths running so i can snap some models for the gram.

Overdoing It

this weekend i tried out a leg day routine that turned out to be more of upper body day disguised as a leg day. i’ll drop a screenshot of the routine from muscleandfitness.com below so you can see. essentially, i should’ve been wearing my gloves with wrist wraps, because when i was doing the front squats, an exercise i haven’t ever done with a barbell, i strained my wrist a little bit trying to lift too much. it wasn’t a lot of weight, and below the capacity of most of my body, but it was too much for my wrist, and we are only as strong as our weakest link. thankfully, the strain is very minor and already today, two days later, it’s feeling a lot better. but i did have to amend my arm and chest day routine to accommodate the tenderness in my wrist.

good news is, there are a lot of exercises you can do without putting too much pressure on your wrist - especially with good wrist wraps. instead of doing curls with dumbbells, i used a cable pull machine with a cloth strap wrapped around my forearm. and likewise instead of dumbbell flies, i used a short barbell. those are just a couple of examples.

the lesson learned is that i need to be more honest about where my body is at if i want to make gains without injuring myself. i got lucky this time. now it’s up to me to make sure i do everything i can to prevent the occurrence of a next time.

Compound Exercise

one of my favorite youtube channels is hasfit, a husband and wife fitness video channel that i use at least once a week when i don’t feel like leaving the apartment but still want to get in a great workout. something they talk about a lot is compound exercise, referring to moves that work more than one muscle group at a time to help maximize the effectiveness of the time spent on the mat.

today while i was working out i realized that compound exercise can also be about more than working multiple body parts at once. it can also be about exercising the mind and body simultaneously. this is something i do most of the time when i work out. before heading to the gym, i pick out a set of moves (i’ve been leaning on muscleandfitness.com a lot lately since they have some good 45-minute routines) and i make sure i have a podcast downloaded that i can listen to while i’m hitting the reps. i bounce between fiction and photography podcasts at the moment since i’m really focused on improving in both of those areas. some of my favorites are (in no particular order):

• unfiltered by brendan van son

• picture this by tony and chelsea northrup

• story shop by sterling & stone

• sci fi & fantasy marketing by lindsay buroker

once i’m done with my lifting/ab/leg workout, it’s on to cardio. during that portion of my workout, i switch to youtube and watch photoshop tutorials and other videos that focus on camera tricks and tips. most of the time i just watch those and don’t take notes, but i’m working on changing that now because i’ve has a lot of good information flow through my mind with relatively little in terms of capturing and integrating those lessons into my workflow.

during today’s workout, i listened through the unfiltered podcast and then watched a video on high-end photoshop skin softening. this video was more of a hands-on walkthrough so i saved it for later and then turned to a photoshop compositing webinar. both were great videos and i’ll be turning back to those channels for more in the future.

the point of all this is to say that it’s really hard to find time for everything in life, but by combining tasks wherever possible, we can maximize the effectiveness of our engaged minutes and potentially free up some time for spontaneous living. it doesn’t have to be all work no play if you do it right.

The Long Game and the Fear of Falling Short

this week, setting up the parameters for the dailies and the weekly goal set has been all about the long game. working on my body so that i can live long and prosper (and hopefully age into a full-blown silver fox, if my hair ever turns). working on my photography so that maybe one day i can break the cycle of working for others and make a living traveling the world taking epic pictures of interesting people. working on my fiction so i can stretch my creativity and add another leg to my income octopus, bringing myself that much closer to autonomy.

today, i really would’ve loved to get this daily post out of the way earlier, but i worked the early shift (started at 6am) and worked from home. during my morning break, i took headshots for youtube personality and news anchor sarah taylor, and then i slaved away the afternoon pouring through court filings. once i was done working, it was straight into the workout, and then off to pick up groceries for the weekly meal prep tomorrow.

i still have to finish my fiction post for the day, and i now have three after-action reviews to write as my second photo post for the week—each with its own nuances that need to be laid out. this just goes to show that even the most conservative plan can easily go off the rails. stock henry and i spent a lot of time talking through dailies and planning this week, and what i’m realizing is how important contingency plans are to the process. more to come on that.

the truth is, i really want to back out of writing a fiction post tonight, but i have a deadline, and i would only be doing myself a disservice by missing it. and to miss it on the first week is just bad form. it sets a bad precedent. so i’m going to switch gears and get that post going.

Self-Centered

with this schedule that i’ve set for myself, there is literally no wiggle room, no down time. and despite my natural tendency to be chill, i am ok with this. nothing that is on my schedule is something i don’t want to do, and all of it is fulfilling and puts me closer to my goals. all the same, i worry that i will push myself to the edge and then have a crash. so to avoid that, i need to make sure that i program in down time in the form of short, self-centering close your eyes, breath and stretch breaks.

i feel that one of my weaknesses is that i’m not really so great at switching from one task to another and just pushing forward full-steam with that new task. i need time to ramp up and get into the groove. when i try to rush the acclimatization process, it never goes well. so i need to keep that in mind as i work through the balancing act of maintaining my daily tasks and pursuing my creative endeavors.

the other major challenge that i face is that i have a pretty intense job. i never talk about it here, or really at all outside of work, because honestly i just don’t think anyone would care. but i work minimum 60 hours per week. sometimes more, depending on what is happening on any given day. i actually get pushback for not working enough when i don’t put in time on things over the weekends and late at night, which i personally think is ridiculous and a sickness of our modern always-on connected world. eventually, i plan to transition out of the role i’m in, and find something that is more attuned with my own philosophies on work-life balance, but until then, i have a responsibility to do my best at my job, as well as to do my best to seek the fulfillment that it doesn’t give me when i’m not working for the paycheck.

i’ll probably write more about this job once it’s in my rear view mirror, but that will be quite some time according to my current plan. so in the meantime, i need to make sure that i’m giving 100% of myself to my work, to my wife, and to my creative pursuits. that doesn’t leave any room for error. and that is why self-centering is so important. taking a minute to orient myself between each task will save me hours of frustration in the long run.

I Should Probably Explain

to be honest, all of this is stock henry’s fault he’s the one who got me onto this daily business in the first place. and i suppose a bit of the blame could be reserved for shanima, my lovely wife. essentially, both of these people have been a huge influence on my decision to push myself to achieve more and to go farther than ever before. stock turned me on to this idea of “dailies” and shanima has told me that she doesn’t want a fat husband, and that i’m only allowed to buy camera gear that i pay for with camera work. hence, chasing realness was born.

i promised to lay out my dailies recently, and i can’t remember if the plan was to publish them on my birthday, but if that was the case, then i failed. in any event, i’m here now and i’m ready to put this out there. i’ve already committed to these things, already been achieving most of them regularly for some time now, and so i have no doubt about my ability to continue to do so.

before i list these out, i should explain that i’m not going to give a list of things i’m going to do every day. what i’m going to do is lay out a plan for myself, something i can follow for the months to come, and something i plan to update as i progress.

blog publishing goals:

• complete at least one daily blog post seven days per week

• complete at least two photo posts per week related to work i’m doing or lessons i’m learning about the art and craft of photography

• complete at least one fiction blog post on each of the five weekdays that moves the needle forward on the planning and writing of my current project

fitness:

my goals are simple. by june 25, i aim to:

• lower my weight from 195 to 180 pounds

• touch my palms to ground with straight legs

to achieve these goals, my fitness routine will be as follows:

• day one: 45mins core/abs + 45mins cardio (bike (15) + treadmill fat burning (30)

• day two: 30mins legs/back + 60mins cardio (bike(30) + elliptical (30)

• day three: 45mins arms + 45mins cardio (Elliptical (30) + treadmill (15)

• day four: 100 push ups, 100 sit ups

• day five: 100 push ups, 100 sit ups

• day six: hot yoga

• day seven: 90-minute cardio and stretching

diet

another component that will contribute to my goal of losing weight, and probably the more important component than physical exercise, is controlling what i eat. therefore, i commit to:

• continuing weekly meal prep with shanima and limiting restaurant and other pre-made options as much as possible, and blogging about meal prep on sundays

  • this essentially means that one day per weekend, we will design a meal plan and prepare all breakfasts and lunches for the week and potentially for the following week as we’re able.

    • i should mention here that we are lucky, in that shanima’s mom prepares us bengali food to eat for dinner every night on a weekly basis, so we don’t have to worry about preparing those meals ourselves in most cases.

• logging my food intake to myfitnesspal daily to ensure that i maintain a proper calorie deficit

photography:

• learn and apply at least one photoshop technique to my work each week. this will involve:

  • choose a topic that i want to learn

  • watch youtube videos from at least three sources on that topic

    • first watch, then re-watch the videos while taking notes

  • attempt to replicate the technique of the week using one of my photos

  • write a blog post that walks through the lesson and shows before and after images that apply that technique to firm up the learning process and give myself a reference point to go back to if i ever need to review

    • include links to the three videos and site the creators that i relied on to learn the chosen technique

fiction:

• complete character casting by the end of the second week of february so that i can move on to drafting the opening chapters of book one of the distant future series

• complete the first three chapters of book one by the end of the third week of february

• complete template story arc for book one by the end of february

• draft at least 25,000 words of book one by the end of march

• finish first draft by june 25

• publish book one before year end

• book 2? short story?

i am going to revisit these goals at the end of february to evaluate how i’ve done at keeping up with them, and to adjust the flow as needed. if it becomes necessary, i’ll update this list sooner, but i don’t foresee any reason for that. in the meantime, i’ve got a lot of work to do, so i had better get to it.

So Far, So Good

yesterday, i knocked out all of the essential dailies, and it feels great. i rocked out a daily blog post and a photo post on the way in to work, and i worked through some original content on the fiction blog on the commute home. i don’t know how i would get all this writing done if it weren’t for my 45-minute commute each way every day.

on lunch break, i met up with palak and we had our weekly photo shoot, which went well except for a couple of hitches i can talk about in my aar (after-action review if you’re new here) tomorrow. i would’ve loved to knock that out today, but i’m going to have to finish the edits tonight since i didn’t have time this morning.

after work shanima and i headed to her parents’ apartment for our weekly dinner and a movie. we watched an old bollywood flick that had actors i like but was so ridiculous. at one point, early in the movie, the central anti-hero got into a fight with some chinese thugs and there was a crouching tiger hidden dragon-style flying kung fu battle that was clearly trying to capture the magic of that movie. then, a later sequence was a scene-for-scene ripoff of the lobby fight in the matrix. the guy was even wearing the same trench coat and sunglasses as neo. gotta love the audacity of bollywood.

we never finished the movie but i’m pretty sure that it ended the same as all bollywood flicks: the anti-hero gets the girl, the comedic relief characters go back to their lives with more appreciation than they had before, and the bad guy loses. as formulaic as it is, i still love those movies.

when we got home, i almost went to bed before remembering my commitment to complete 100 pushups on every day that i don’t have something else planned out. i knocked out the first 40 no problem, but then things got more difficult. from 40 to 50 i was ready to quit, but then from 50 to 65, i found new energy. 65 to 80 i started to feel doubt and the old excuses creeping in (“you’ve done good already, why rush to 100? do 75 today and more tomorrow; build up to it!”). i shut that shit down and kept going. 80 to 90 was tough but not unbearable, and 90 to 100 was where i had to force my muscles to keep working against their will. the final rep was a bit sloppy, but not to the point that i didn’t feel like it counted.

im going to keep knocking out 100 push-ups on my off-days for now, and might even just add 100 push-ups to my dailies from now on, with the exception being post-arm day. i should also add 100 crunches or something similar to balance it out. it doesn’t take that long and it can be done right before bed, so there’s really no excuse.

Strong Start

yesterday was a whirlwind. i accomplished nearly everything i set out to accomplish, with only one task left undone. i still haven’t officially launched the blog homepage because i have one piece of admin left to complete there—i need to decide which images i want to use above the link and description to each of the three blog threads that i’m running (dailies, photo, fiction).

the fiction blog launch went great, with an intro post laying the ground rules, and then a few posts about the setting and backstory that connects our world with the setting of this story. i also thought of a working title for the series last night: Distant Future, or some variation on that theme. All sci fi and fantasy series these days have a name like that, so i might as well get that established right away. will be blogging about that in more detail on the fiction blog later today, i suspect.

i went a little crazy posting yesterday, but since a lot of what went up was pre-written, i don’t see any harm in that. i want to get anyone who is interested up to speed on my research and process as quickly as possible so i can start making real progress on the writing of the actual story. i’ve already written the first chapter and about a third of the second chapter, but i won’t be sharing those until i do some more work on characters and plot lines so that i don’t run the risk of needing to change the format after i’ve already committed to the pre-write.

after about three hours at the coffee shop working on the fiction blog launch, i headed to korean bbq with shanima last night and it was great. 99 favor taste gives a free meal on birthdays, and then even gave me ice cream with a candle and i was serenaded by a poor sap in a monkey mascot outfit that was so ridiculous that i couldn’t help but laugh.

as part of my revised dailies - shit that is another thing i have yet to lay out in here - is that i am dedicating at least 30 minutes to shanima every day with no screens, no social media, just us talking about whatever. mostly her talking about her day, but that is what she likes to do and it’s important for me to let her do that for her happiness—something that is super important to me. so during dinner we both put our phones away and didn’t look at them until we were done.

to be honest, i was screened out after a full day of blogging and researching. but after dinner when we got home, i still had more research to do. i found a list of great indoor spots for photography so that my weekly client and i could do our shoot today despite the rain. we settled on 590 madison avenue, where there is a large indoor terrarium. right around the corner is a big red abstract sculpture that is located under the cover of an inlet at the entrance to the ibm building, so we’ve got two good options for photos even in the rain.

by the time i finally dozed off around midnight, i was feeling a bit under the weather and still am. sore throat, fatigued, and just generally not great. i woke up in the middle of the night, as i often do these days, and was contemplating just calling out from work today. i changed my mind and i’m not using a sick day over it, but definitely need to make sleep a priority the next couple of days so that i can push through this. i have a cough this morning, not a bad one, but definitely not a good sign. we’re headed to shanima’s parents’ apartment tonight after work as we do every week, but definitely going to have to push for an early return to the apartment so i can get the photos from today uploaded into lightroom and ready for edits in the morning.

so on my agenda today, outside of work, is one photo shoot, one fiction blog post, visit with the in-laws, and uploading the photos from today. i will write a photo blog post tomorrow talking about the shoot and location and sharing some of the highlight photos.

Smashed

after yesterday’s post was published, we met up with a group of some of my best friends. wishing i could’ve invited more but there is only so much room at the table. in typical new york fashion, they started serving the drinks long before the food arrived, and they were heavy. so after brunch, as we were all meeting a friend’s adorable puppy, another friend who had a habit of falling while drunk decided to give shanima a lunging hug, and shanima was not ready, so the two of them took two spooning steps before losing balance and falling. shanima ended up on the bottom and smashed her head into the glass pane at the front of the restaurant, which spiderwebbed on impact. it was loud as fuck and scary as hell. she said she was fine but she was crying and so we immediately took her to a local clinic to get checked out. the doc said she was fine but that we should keep an eye on her for a few warning signs that something might be seriously wrong.

shortly after that, we called it a day earlier than planned because shanima was not feeling great and understandably so. i was emotionally exhausted from the whole ordeal, so i was ready to head home, too. we grabbed an uber and shanima slept with her head on my lap the whole way home. and then slept the rest of the evening away. i kept an eye on her and watched rampage on hbonow (ridiculous movie but entertaining enough) she was sore this morning, but nothing to be too concerned about.

never a dull moment, right?

all of that behind me, i have a lot to accomplish today. my license expired so i had to head to the dmv to renew it, and i need to head to brooklyn botanical garden to get a permit for an engagement shoot i’m doing in april. plus, i’ve committed to launching my fiction blog today, and i have dinner plans with wifey tonight. gotta take advantage of that free korean bbq meal for my birthday at 99 flavor taste.

it would’ve been so easy to just take it easy today and not do anything, but i don’t want to start this year off with sloth and leisure. i have way to much to do to kick things off from that footing. so i woke up at 8am and had breakfast with shanima, then i did a hasfit workout at home that was absolutely brutal, especially since i did arm day yesterday and it was a weight training/muscle building workout video. once that was done, i did a little more workout out to round out the session, hopped in the shower, had a quick bite of some fried egg and ramen that shanima whipped up this morning, and headed out to the dmv. that took about an hour, and once i was done, i headed home, got my checkbook, called the botanical garden, and confirmed that the admin office is open today and that i can secure the permit. once that was checked off, i got a hold of the client who hired me for the engagement shoot and confirmed that they can venmo me today for the cost of the permit (it’s $150 in case you’re wondering). that in the bag, i got on the subway and now i’m off to the city. it’s just after 12pm and i already feel like i’ve gotten a whole day worth of work accomplished.

before i hit the garden, i’m stopping through bh photo for a little piece of kit that i’ve been eyeing for a while that will help me out with my event photography and some of my portrait work. i still have to try it out to see if it’s a keeper, but essentially i am pretty confident that it will be. more to come on that later, but this isn’t a photo post.

once i pick that up, it’s off the to garden, then into a quiet brooklyn coffee shop to get my fiction blog going. i’ll have a couple of hours for that before i need to leave to meet shanima for dinner, so i should be able to get a lot done.

i’m really excited for this year ahead, and can’t wait to see what i’m able to accomplish within it. ready. set. go.

Sunday Setup

ok so i’ve alluded to this already, but today i’m going to shift gears on this blog a bit. not a complete restructuring, but definitely a refocusing. photo posts no longer count as dailies. dailies are about life, what happens in between. the me moments.

we knew this weekend was going to be packed, so we made an extra push last weekend to make sure we didn’t miss meal preps and workouts. yesterday, shanima went to brunch with two of her friends and i went for a fresh haircut with my guys over at skillman barber shop. they always do a good job and the price is definitely better than a high-end salon, if a little higher than you are going to get at your local buzz shop. trust, me, it’s worth it, though.

after the haircut, i met up with stock henry and we had a nice hang, talking about life, goals, and a fix for his glidecam problem. see his blog for deets.

even before heading out, though, we hit the gym for an hour and 45 minutes for leg day and cardio. my leg day included deadlifts, reverse lunges, leg presses and calf presses, and bar squats. for the deadlifts, i kept it light this week with 45s on either end of the bar. for the lunges, i used 40 pound dumbbells. leg and calf press was at 320 pounds with 20 reps per set of each. and for the bar squats, i used the cable pull machine with 140 pounds of resistance. each exercise was done for a minimum of three sets and with some exercises including five sets. then it was on to cardio, and for this session i stayed on the elliptical machine for the duration, with the course set to interval training. on this settings the resistance changes between about half power for one minute and full power for a minute, back and forth for 45 minutes. the machine told me that i completed a 4.7 mile equivalent, but i am skeptical about those calculations.

so that was saturday. this morning, we got an early start at 7:30 and sorted out our pre-made meals for the week into our to-go boxes. by putting everything into the containers that we will take with us in advance, it removes the stress of last-minute morning packing, as well as the excuse that there wasn’t time to do it. making the prepared meal the easiest option at the time when it matters most is crucial to success on that front. maybe i’ll talk more about that in a future post.

once we wrapped that up, we washed up the leftover dishes, made a batch of rice for the week for dinners, and then did a 40-minute hasfit video that was absolutely brutal. it was a hiit cardio workout that crushed pretty much the whole body. we did the video this morning because we’re going out to brunch for my birthday today and i never workout after drinking, so it was either get the whole thing in first thing in the morning or skip it. obviously skipping is not an option, so we had to start early. our gym opens at 10am, so sometimes getting started at home is the only way. once we finished the video, we got ready and headed downstairs, because sunday is upper body day.

for my upper body workout today, i focused on arms and chest. i found a workout routine on muscle and fitness and gave it a try. it started out with three sets of incline bench presses, followed by the barbell bench press, bent-over one and a quarter cable flies, dips and decline bench press. each exercise included three sets of 8-10 reps. for the incline press, i started with 10 pounds on each side, added 10 more for the second set, and then added five pounds for the third set. these incline presses really work the shoulders, and as i get into doing them i am realizing how weak my shoulders have gotten through lack of use, so this one is killer for me. for the bench press and the decline bench press, i used 40-pound dumbbells. for the cable flies, i set each side to 70 pounds of resistance, and obviously for the dips i just used my overweight body for resistance and that was definitely enough.

min each exercise, i did enough reps to bring myself just to the brink of muscle failure. i am always hesitant to push it too far since i don’t have a spotter, but the more i go to the gym the more confident i become.

so that is my weekend so far. i think i should start including photos of the workout and such here but for now, i will leave you with this photo of the meal prep for the week. you’ll see salmon alfredo pasta with oven-roasted beans and broccoli, chicken noodle soup, homemade greek yogurt cinnamon rolls, and egg cups, which are made of baked hashbrowns, egg and turkey bacon bits.

we also have curries from shanima’s mom to eat for dinners, so essentially we have zero fresh cooking to do this week. with everything coming up, that is essential for us because without meal prep, we would either have to eat out - expensive and unhealthy - or cook at night, and we would have to skip a workout or go to sleep late, neither of which are acceptable options.

todays post is super long since i had to walk through yesterday, too, but i think worth it.

All the Fixins

i’m realizing that when it comes to editing, i have so much to learn. i’ve always avoided photoshop because lightroom is so much easier to work in, and it’s done fine for me so far. but there are some things i need to start doing if i want to take my game to the next level, and those require photoshop skills.

i’ve been watching a lot of tutorial videos on youtube, and they should definitely help, but there’s so much to learn. color grading, masks, compositing, object removal. people that i follow make these things seem so easy but when i sat down to attempt what should’ve been a quick composite last night, i was totally stumped. the image had an outline that wouldn’t go away. today i watched a video that explained what i can do to take care of that problem, but damn if it’s not a time sink. i guess that is why people charge so much for complex editing.

i guess the bottom line is that i want to start making more compelling images, and photoshop is the key. time to add this to my weekly to-do list (which i plan to publish monday).

Ego

whether we like to admit it or not, none of us would set out on the creative path without a solid dose of ego. only a fool sets out on a journey . without that ego element, we would probably never get past go. because no matter what you’re doing, no matter how much innate talent you have when you start out, only experience can bring out your inner pro.

but ego can’t be the only driver. ego is how you start. but ego won’t sustain you. ego tells you you’re good enough to put yourself out there, and only through being out there can your own vision of yourself become the version of yourself that is seen by those around you. ego is the spark. the kindling. but it won’t keep your fire going through the night.

for that, you need something deeper. you need to learn how to put a halter on the ego, take charge of it. use it to get you to where you’re going rather than letting it take you where it pleases.

it’s funny, i started writing this post a couple of months ago, and never finished. then, today i was running through my old content and realized that it was sitting in the box. i added a “daily” tag to it and then accidentally hit “save and publish.” so now i’m finishing the post. my ego tells me i should be embarrassed by the misstep, at the accidental posting of a half-finished blog that ends with an incomplete sentence. the blog equivalent of the covfefe tweet. but i’m glad this is going out. i was saving it, planning to get back to it. but there’s nothing else to say here.

bottom line: ego opens doors, but it’s up to you to make sure that something with more substance takes control when you enter the room.

Second Thoughts (part two)

ok i figured out tagging and it’s super easy. that’s the route i’m going. will start rolling that out immediately and launch a new blog landing page by monday so that readers can sort through posts easily. thinking of making the landing page live on my website so that it’s no longer hidden. it’s time to step out of the shadows and into the light.

Second Thoughts

ok. so earlier this week i came up with a plan to split up my photo and life posts. after some back and forth with stock henry i am rethinking that. this blog has so far been super focused on photography, and that is the bulk of what i want to write about. so really, it doesn’t make sense to create a new blog for photo posts.

instead, i’m going to take the route of splitting things up through tagging. i will be creating a separate blog for my fiction projects, but that is just because it doesn’t make sense to publish that stuff here. this is chasing realness. it’s my photo brand and it’s all about real life. fiction is the polar opposite of that.

so that’s the plan. the only issue that i have with that is that i honestly don’t even know how to tag posts on this squarespace blog. lol. so today that’s going to be something i learn. adding it to the dailies. also, on that front, i’m going to be laying those out on monday. it makes sense to start the next year of my life with my daily goals intact, so that’s the plan.

short post today, but time is short today and i really want to turn to my fiction project and get some scaffolding set up for the blog launch.

Recurring Revenues

back in december, on a few moments’ notice, i was called upon to photograph a holiday party that seemed like one i couldn’t pass up. the party was being hosted at a photo and video studio in bushwick, and was for a global organization of non-fiction and documentary filmmakers called video consortium. they loved my photos, and afterward, the group’s founder reached out and said that she wanted to talk to me about working together in the future.

yesterday, we spoke over the phone, and she told me that the group hosts well-attended monthly networking events and that they’d love to have me there photographing these on a regular basis. the pay is significantly lower than i would accept from any other client, but given that there is a high likelihood this gig could open up other an unknowable amount of other opportunities for me, i am not bothered by that at all.

aside from that, though, purely from a monetary standpoint, something i learned from my three days working with greenpeace several years ago is that a subscription model is always preferable to a one-time transaction. so despite the fact that i will be getting paid less per event than my typical rate, i can loosely count on this gig to bring in a set amount every month. between this job and my other recurring customer, i now have a recurring base income of $400 per month from photography alone, and the jobs i’m doing have a very minimal impact on my calendar (one lunch break per week and one weeknight per month). that means i can still book gigs during my prime time for photography on weekends.

of course i can’t depend on these two gigs to continue indefinitely, but i can celebrate the fact that whether or not these clients retain me for the long term, my work was good enough for them to ask me if i would want to work with them on a regular, recurring basis. that, in and of itself, is a big win.

New Chapter

my birthday is next week, and it’s got me thinking. 36. fuck. how the fuck did i get so old all of a sudden? i don’t feel it but i feel like i should feel it. eh, whatever. the point is, i’ve still got a lot to do in my life, and what i am really feeling is just how precious every day is.

so here is the thing. i’ve been writing this blog every day (with three exceptions) since the third week of november. two months of daily writing about photography, life and sometimes other things. one of those other things is writing, or more accurately, becoming an author. before i launched this blog, i was of the opinion that i should create more than one blog, one for my writing about photography/video, one for general life stuff, and one for my fiction. maybe even one about music, though i rarely put much thought into that these days with all of the other projects i’m wrapped up in. i realized that i was getting way too meta about the whole blogging thing, and running the risk of having a bunch of blogs that never went anywhere. the point is to blog every day, and having one place to do all of that was really the best option as a starting point. too much complication could only get in the way as i set my pace and got into the groove.

this morning i started to think that maybe the time has come to start a new blog about my fiction project. a whole new outlet that would only be focused on the nitty gritty of the writing process. i am kind of waffling on this, but i think it’s the best option. before that happens, though, what i do need is to start organizing the blog i already have. i need to start tagging and create an index.

today, i am going to look into creating a landing/home page for my blog(s?) with links that will let people sort through my posts. i want to create a beautiful page that draws people in, of course, but the focus will be on function.

part of the reason for this is that as i start to really dig into the fiction process, i’m going to be writing about that a lot more, and i don’t want that to get in the way of, or replace, my daily posts. and that brings me to the final point. i have this week to organize and build infrastructure, and beginning next monday, on my birthday, i am going to take a new path forward. my daily post will be about life and my own journey. the behind-the-scenes. no longer will photography- or fiction-related posts count as a daily post. those will be extra. but i am also going to set a minimum frequency for those posts.

as i conceptualize this, i think that photography posts will be dictated by how often i am working, whereas fiction posts will be something that i need to keep up at least five days a week. that is not set in stone, but it’s a working model. something to toss around. the idea is that if i am blogging about the writing process several days per week, i will be focused on it and will actually make progress. the blog posts about writing will be part of the writing process, and will chronicle the struggles i face as i move through it.

it’s time to up the ante. new year, new me.

Getting Ahead (of Myself)

i realized this morning that i am getting ahead of myself. my latest win, which came in the form of a regular subscription to my photography services, has got me feeling pretty hype. and that is a good thing. but instead of saying, thank goodness i am finally in the black and turning a profit, i immediately turn back into a gear lust monster.

yes, there are a few filters i need to add to my bag before traveling later this year if i want to be able to capture some of the long exposure photos i am craving to add to my collection. and with my current camera body turning six this year, it’s definitely time to start thinking about getting a more modern replacement. and yes, despite my questions about whether i should get a drone at all, i am pretty much dead set on doing it, so that is a thing.

but i need to really think these things through. what is the order of operations? and is there really a case for me to get a new camera before our big trip? i mean, i am going to be doing some serious landscape photography when we travel, so the more megapixels i can squeeze into my bag, the better. although i’m sure that large prints from my canon 5d mark iii will look just fine to all but the most scrutinous observers.

i have a fear that while we are traveling, my camera shutter will die on me. i can’t remember how many photos i’ve taken since buying it, but it’s definitely in the dozens of thousands. it’s almost definitely an irrational fear, and one driven by the desire to justify a new camera in disguise.

the truth is, the best decision i can make is to wait to buy a new camera until we get back from the big trip. if the camera dies on me while traveling, i can always buy one on the road.

so my plan of action is this: wait for the next good sale on a drone and buy. wait for filters to go on sale (if that ever happens) and buy. and just fucking wait until the trip is over to buy a new camera or anything else. unless a job calls for some other item, or i book enough business to fully pay for a new camera body, i will hold fast and maintain my profit margin.

all in all, this is just more motivation to hustle harder. potential new mantra: if you want more, work more.