Day One

i don’t feel that manic drive that sometimes comes with a new year. not this time around. i suppose it’s because i started the process of renewal and goal setting a bit before the ball dropped this time around.

i will say this, i walk into this year determined to grow in all areas. i am dead set on completing a novel—maybe even two, if i get on a roll and can complete the first installment before the end of june. i will absolutely set myself on a path toward defining my own style in photography. i will complete my first travel video, and use that as a template for future work. and i will do all of this while achieving all of my fitness goals.

as i enter this year, i have some pretty ambitious goals. but i don’t have any doubt about my ability to meet them all. i am confident that this is a year that will mark a turning point in my life.

enough postulating, i’ve got work to do.

Resolute

i’m not one to scoff at new year’s resolutions. i embrace them. it’s always good to check in on where we are and where we want to be, and i’ve got a lot of goals to track in life. here they are:

1) complete my iceland video and establish a framework for future travel videos.

2) complete and ship the first installment of my fiction series.

3) take and edit 12 photos that exemplify my personal photographic style.

4) bring my weight below 180 pounds.

5) travel the world.

6) increase my savings in preparation for a real estate purchase in 2020.

Backsliding

today was my second anniversary, so i’ll be brief. still checking in, so that is a win. and i do have some positive progress to report, but the most significant thing i have to share here is that i’ve regained a decent amount of the weight i lost earlier this year over the past three weeks of over-eating. it sucks.

even before i weighed in, i could feel it. so we calibrated a plan tonight to get back on track and push through nearer the true goals. set up six-month and full-year goals for 2019, and they’re totally achievable.

2019 will be the year i say goodbye to belly fat and hello to a body fat percentage in the low teens. it’s not just about the improved physique that i’m after. it’s also about the improved overall health—the longevity and resiliency.

i know that i can meet my targets if i remain disciplined. i will achieve. because i will it.

good night.

Order of Operations

i had a major breakthrough yesterday after i wrote the post for the day. i finished the first chapter in the first fiction novel i’ve ever written.

i realized something crucial as a result of walking through my mental position as related to this project—that i was caught up on the character sketch phase of the project because my characters need to experience certain scenarios for me to know who they really are.

so the thing is, i threw away the character sketch for my main character and just started writing. as the words rolled out in front of me, i made several choices about how my character would react to the scenarios i’ve decided have to happen to move the story forward.

as the story develops, i’ll have to maintain a log of decisions and motivations that my characters make and exhibit so they conflicts don’t develop, but i will not let the lack of a fully developed character set hold me back from meeting my goal.

lesson learned and applied: when one aspect of a project is causing the rest to stall, it is time to turn focus to some other part of the process and do they instead. can’t afford to lose momentum because life is to short to spend any of it stagnant.

the story continues.

Failings

there are two major projects that i have utterly failed to move forward on this year. the first is my iceland video, the pilot for a series of videos i would like to create that walk through the logistics of travel in an infotainment format. i’ve done nothing to move the ball on that since i set some achievable, bite-sized goals out for myself earlier this month. i feel the pull of the project but it falls to the wayside under all of the other projects i’ve been working on this month. i definitely think that i did the right thing by focusing on what i did this month, but i didn’t set aside this long-term project in a healthy, conscious way, so even though the result is the same, the lack of intent is a fail.

i’ve also completely left my fiction series to gather dust since the spring, and i’m feeling the weight of that very heavily this week. i suppose part of the issue is that i’ve been lulled into inaction as i’ve read so many great series this year. but currently i’m between series or waiting for new sequels to be published so it’s as good a time as any to abandon my reading habit and dive into writing headfirst.

so what can i do to correct these infractions of inaction? number one, i need to slow down on seeking new photography work so that i can take the time to work on this larger project. i need to finish this travel video because i spent so much time planning for it that i need to see what the result of that planning will be. i need to know if this is something i could be good at. if it’s an idea that i could sell.

on the writing front, i am going to download a novel-writing app that will help me organize all the work i’ve done so far and to make sure i’m coloring inside the lines as i get to the actual writing portion of the project. i wanted to be well into the writing phase by now, with hopes of having a decent manuscript by the middle of 2019, and despite being behind schedule, i could still meet my deadline if i push hard on this.

i am going to check in at the end of january on these items, and hopefully at that time it will be with a link to the iceland video, and with all of the scaffolding for the fiction project completed.

i can do this.

Lemmings

i don’t know how to address what’s on my mind without sounding like a bit of an ass, and maybe that’s because it comes from the part of me that is a bit of an ass. but here it is. just because you’ve seen a lot of people doing something a certain way, and just because those people might be professionals and experts, it doesn’t mean that their method is the best one available—it doesn’t mean they know why they’re doing what they’re doing. here is an example.

on sunday night i was at a fashion show and rock concert and i brought my camera because my wife was walking in the runway portion and we both thought it would be great to get some snaps of the concert since the band playing is pretty famous in bangladesh so it would be a good show to add to my portfolio. not only that it was a good reason to flex my low-light photography skills.

while i was there, i saw two other photographers who out on the floor taking pictures and both were using the same method, snapping pictures of anyone and everyone in the crowd with their flash modules turned up toward the ceiling. i’m sure they were getting a little bit of extra light using this method, but the thing is, it was probably crappy light quality and their photos most definitely suffered. the reason is that generally the only reason to turn a flash upward is for bounce flash—the light from the flash unit spreads out and hits the ceiling before bouncing back down at the subject even more diffused and generating a decently soft light pattern. it in that room, on that night, the ceilings were 30 feet above us, so the bounce flash technique was definitely not the right answer.

to be honest, this isn’t the first time i’ve seen a photographer doing something like this. it’s actually pretty common to see people who get too rutted in to their usual techniques and not thinking twice about the theory that is driving their actions. or that there might be a better way to get even more solid results. because the truth is, while the photos they were taking that night were high resolution than anything that anyone would’ve been able to take on their phone, considering that most people would be uploading them and sharing them via social media, that advantage would be lost to compression. and given that speedlight flash units provide about the same light quality as a phone flash, these guys were running around with thousands of dollars of camera gear doing what could essentially be accomplished with a smartphone and a good $50 l.e.d. light.

i talked to one of the photographers that night and he seemed really surprised that i wasn’t using flash at all. i asked him why i should be, since the stage lights provided a much more pleasing light quality. he seemed to think about what i said for a moment before going right back to doing what he’d been doing.

meanwhile, i got some really unique crowd shots including a few silhouettes and some solid photos of the band.

i’m not trying to talk shit, or put other professionals down to make myself feel better. but i am trying to say that if we want to survive as creative professionals, we need to be creative. to not fall into the trap of doing what’s been done because we crave legitimacy and will take it however we can get it. we’ve got to think about why we’re doing what we’re doing and not just follow the norms blindly like lemmings.

Atrophy

two days. that’s all it took for me to get totally out of the habit of this daily writing routine. and today i feel the lack of inertia, the atrophy of an unused creative muscle slowing me down like sludge in the system.

this is why it has to be every day. because i’m not yet at that point - maybe i never will be - where the daily blog flows without at least a piece of resistance.

christmas eve was so hectic. started work at 6 a.m. and then helped with cooking and cleaning all day and then hosting friends until pass-out time. there was no time to blog and i made a conscious choice not to. and yesterday was christmas. truth be told, i had time, and i had capacity to write. but i wanted a day off. all the way off. i don’t fully regret it, but i definitely feel the two-day gap in date stamps a lot more than i anticipated.

the challenge ahead is not letting the fact that i have missed two steps contribute to any sense of comfort around missing more in the future. i don’t want to be desensitized by this, to become ok with missed days.

because the benefits from one week of action can be completely negated by just one or two days of inaction. cost > benefit.

Overshooting

when i am brought on for a photo shoot or an event, i tend to shoot way more images than i hand over to the client with the final edits. on friday i photographed a law school grad party, and shot 990 photos over the course of four hours. that’s more than four photos per minute for 240 minutes.

one of the reasons for the massive quantity of photos is that i shoot almost every frame at least twice to make sure i don’t have camera shake or motion blur, to make sure everyone’s eyes were open, and to make sure the lighting and exposure were just right, that the shadows are pleasing or at least able to be edited into submission.

i don’t know how many times i’ve been sure i got a good photo only to realize later that someone moved just as the shutter was actuating, or that someone was too far in front of or behind the focal point and were turned into a puddle of mud because my aperture was too far open.

i still have an actual after-action review to complete for friday’s shoot, and another for an infant baptism i shot yesterday, but those will have to wait to tomorrow. for now, wifey and i are headed to a fashion show wherw she’s going to be strutting her stuff on the runway and i’ll be doing even more photography.

before i go, though, i should probably finish this post by telling disclosing that out of the 990 images i loaded on to my memory cards that night, i shipped 243 to the client. just over one photo per minute. that’s still a shit ton of photos. and i’m glad to say the client was very happy with what they saw.

Be a Person

the best advice i can give to anyone who wants to be a working photographer is to be a person. what i mean is, be human. kindness, a malice-free sense of humor, and an understanding that you’re being paid a significant hourly wage to do provide images that are leaps and bounds above what they can produce with the camera in their pocket.

from a technical perspective, this can be accomplished through a variation of focal lengths and apertures, and a mixture of ambient and artificial light.

the technical aspects of photography are crucial to producing quality photos by intent rather than accident. but more important is the human element. anyone can learn to operate a camera and produce technically excellent photos. but only a certain mindset will take the photos to that next tier, the level that clients are really hoping for when they hire you.

my approach is to be observant; to learn quickly from what i see so i can adapt to the actual situation in front of me rather than simply forcing the situation into the templates i’ve decided upon in advance (that doesn’t mean i don’t go in with templates in mind, just that i build them from malleable clay). i strive to delve empathetically into the personality of my clients so that i can draw out images they will look at and say, “that is so me!”

what im getting at is, if you want to capture a person, you need to think and feel like a person. it seems ridiculous to have to say that, but i’m often surprised by how easily people forget that.

Words

it probably seems strange. to have a blog that is, at least so far, almost entirely focused on photography that has no photos. but it’s a conscious choice.

as i discovered early on in my journalism career, photos have a way of telling the story for you. the right photo can do more to convey the message you’re sending than anything less than a mountain of words could accomplish alone. that is what drew me in to photography in the first place.

what’s so bad about that? nothing really, except that the point of this blog is to force me to very consciously walk through ideas in a way that creates a catalogue of the thought process, of the becoming. i could easily just slip a couple of photos in here and force future me to come to my own conclusions about where i was at mentally when such and such happened. but what good is that?

i chose not to include any images in my photo-focused blog because i don’t want to allow myself any crutches. i need to feel the full weight of the learning process and to spell it out line by line without visual aids, such that my ramblings about the learning process become a part of the learning process.

stock henry and i have been talking back and forth a lot about commitments, about what is essential and what is a distraction. i told him that if the blog is becoming a distraction that he should let it go and focus on those things that are more presently useful for him. but the truth is, without a script there is no movie. without notes, there can be no study.

after about a month of daily blogging, i think i am finally realizing how useful it is. how important words are, even for a visual artist. if i can’t tell a story with my words, then how could i possibly hope to succeed in telling a story through any other medium?

Blank

today i am blank. i have thoughts but none of them worth jotting. writing this by rote. dazed and out of phase. tossing words against the wall like a rubber ball and hope they come back to me with some of the wall rubbed off on them, and that the writing on the wall has something to tell me. waiting for inspiration, but i won’t hold my breath.

Margins

i called it quits yesterday. on the yelp advertising plan. yeah i know, i wove tales of longevity and opportunities to set up a steady stream of new clientele. i talked about how booking clients through this platform would bring in more than just new revenues, but also reviews on a platform that is heavily trafficked with people seeking photographers.

but here’s the thing. most of the people that contacted me never ended up booking. i offered them competitive rates and packages, and yet most of the time i could tell that they had just copied and pasted their message to me and several other photographers. there is no telling how serious any of them were. i even had one potential customer send me the same message three times without realizing it. and he never ended up booking.

to be honest it wasn’t the result i was looking for. one particular issue i ran in to more than once was that people didn’t read my posting and see that i am unavailable on weekdays. given that i have a full-time job and a marriage to maintain, i wasn’t able to help them. yelp doesn’t have a filtration system that forces people to input the time they’re trying to schedule, so there was no control for this. in that aspect, i learned that yelp is not the ideal platform for me, and likely won’t be for a significant amount of time. in the interim, i can build my presence on that site by requesting that my customers publish their reviews there instead of on the other platforms i frequent. i know yelp says you’re not supposed to ask for reviews but that is stupid. we should always ask for reviews, and every business does it. yelp even asked me for a review about how i felt about the sales call for yelp ads. so i think i am within my rights to ignore that ridiculous ask.

now lets talk money. this is probably the number one reason i decided to cancel early and not just ride out the month. between november 28 and yesterday, december 18, yelp ads cost me $268. in that time, i booked and completed one last-minute job and was paid $160, and secured another booking for april with a ticket price of $225 and a potential opportunity to sell prints. additionally i have another potential client who may book something at the end of the month that will earn me $175, along with another $175 for my dude stock henry who would be rolling video for that session. another potential booking that has yet to confirm is in mid-february with a $225 ticket price.

if these clients book, and i am at this point assuming that they will not because that is generally the safer assumption, then my total revenues for the month from yelp bookings will be $785, and after factoring in the cost of the ads to date, i will have netted $517.

honestly, that is not that bad. and if i could guarantee that every month would be that good, i would consider continuing with the ads. but because i already have bookings in february and april, i now have conflicts in those months that will stand in the way of potential bookings that could come my way as a result of my ads, so the effectiveness of those future ad dollars is reduced. additionally, given that i will be gone for 10 days in april and up to six weeks in june, july and august, exposing myself to customers over the coming months who will have a decent chance of requesting bookings during those time periods is not worthwhile.

so that’s that. experiment over. it was a good run, and i’m glad i did it, but it’s definitely not designed for a part-time photographer with a full plate.

Three-job Day AAR

three jobs, three after-action reviews. 

job one: central park

what was supposed to happen?  

i was hired to photograph a running group for a coaching team at the central park running track around the reservoir. the meetup was scheduled for 8:30 a.m. the photos were for a campaign the coaches are running to help marathoners achieve a sub three-hour marathon time. i had worked with the coaches for their campaign launch event, and they liked my work so they brought me on for this as well. 

what did happen?  

i left home at 6:50 a.m. and stopped through dunkin’ donuts for coffee and a quick bite. then i hopped on the train and to my dismay it was running local. to make matters worse, the uptown a and c trains, which usually stop about a block away from the meetup location, were running express over the weekend. so basically i got to midtown at 8:20 and had to uber the rest of the way and i showed up about five minutes late. the clients were totally cool with it, but i wasn’t. 

i actually went to the wrong location, but that worked out because i found a nice perch on a bridge above the running track and caught a great profile photo of the group passing me by. 

when i met up with one of the coaches a few minutes later, we shot a couple of images for another campaign that they launched this week for runners who want to bring their time under four hours. 

i was able to deliver the photos just over 24 hours later and they were really pleased with the images. i was told that the runners really love the photos, too, and they’re sharing them prolifically. it sounds like another date and possibly more will be joining my calendar in short order. 

what went right?  

the photos came out perfect. i was able to get some compelling compositions using out-of-focus foreground elements, and since it was cloudy there was nice evenly diffused light to work with. the group had a lot of fun and they hammed it up for the camera so i got some photos showing that they were having a good time—the type of stuff you really want if you’re trying to help a client convince people that this is something they should be aspiring to. 

what went wrong?  

first, the mta. i should have double-checked the subway schedule for the weekend in advance to make sure my route was clear. 

next, i thought i know where we were meeting, and i was wrong. since i was late, i didn’t have time to wander around beforehand and pinpoint the location. 

so really, logistics went wrong this time around.  

what can i add to the plan to do improve next time?  

day-ahead logistics checks, mapping out my desired route and double checking for any impediments to the route. always assume that there will be service changes with the mta if that is my route, and be aware of road work if i’m taking a car. 

job two: midtown

what was supposed to happen?  

i was to meet a mother and son in town from florida courtesy of the wish of a lifetime charity. i would take some photos of them in some iconic new york locations, in time’s square, outside of radio city, and at st. patrick’s cathedral, where the mother in the group wanted to distribute a small portion of her husbands ashes because one of their wishes before he passed away last year was to visit the cathedral together one last time. 

what did happen?  

to be honest, everything on this job went according to plan. 

what went right?  

other than being logistically smooth as silk, this job allowed me to make a human connection with two people who were essentially on a modern day pilgrimage. i was able to document them having fun and enjoying the city, and then i was privy to a somber and intimate moment in their lives. above all else, what went right here was that i was able to be a guide to people who were in need. 

what went wrong?  

as my good friend stock henry would say, no edits.  

what can i add to the plan to improve next time? 

use this job as a template for any other tourists who want photos on their trip to the city.  

job three: the holiday party  

what was supposed to happen?  

i got a text from a friend of mine who is a booking manager for a photo and video studio in bushwick at almost 6 p.m. asking if i was free to take photos of the studio holiday party. i had just arrived in flushing to meet my wife and some friends of ours for dinner and a game night. basically the job was 7 p.m. to midnight, and there was no direction given beyond that. my wife was not pleased that i was even asking her if i should do the job since we had plans, but we worked it out. 

what did happen?  

the company sent me a  lyft to take me from flushing to bushwick, and i arrived just after 7 p.m. i met one of the owners and he helped me stash my gear. after that, i was pretty much left to my own devices. i took a mix of candids, posed “party portraits,” aka people with their arms around each other, holding up their drinks and smiling, etc., using my remote flash/gary fong setup. there was a raffle and i took photos of all the winners receiving their prizes. 

what went right?  

mall of my gear functioned perfectly. even in the low light i was able to nail the focus and had a surprisingly low number of images lost to camera shake (my wide lens has no image stabilization). i got a solid mix of most the typical party shots. and probably most of all, between taking photos i had several great conversations with other camera nerds and people who could potentially become clients. 

what went wrong?  

the one thing i didn’t do at the event was get the typical ambient food table shot and some other similar ambiance photos. i’m not sure if this counts as something that went wrong, since the studio gave me literally no direction, but i guess we will see when they send through their feedback.  

what can i add to the plan to improve for next time?  

make sure to talk to the person who is paying me for the job - even if it’s last minute - to go over any specific requests they have for photos. especially considering that the person i was working for was a highly-experienced photojournalist whose body of work puts my own to shame, any nuance he might have to offer is information for my toolbox that could help elevate my own work. 

summary   

i think overall i’m happy with how short the improvements list is, since it indicates that i was in good form. i think the two big takeaways from this day are 1) i’m versatile and flexible enough to take three vastly different jobs in stride and to work from wake up to bed down without batting an eye—i have yet to find the outer limits of my capabilities; and probably most importantly, 2) i need to make sure i am not letting photography consume my entire life; my wife and our relationship is my first priority. as much as i want to push this photo journey as far as i can, there is one outer limit that i can not push against without having consequences i’m not interested in dealing with. 

Event Horizon

i’m back in the circuit. doing event photography. and it’s decent money that will help me pay off my gear, which is exactly the reason i started down this path. but this morning i am headed in to the office and i’m tired af . 

but truth is, even though it caused some stress in my relationship, and even though it pushed me to the lower limit of my stamina for giving a fuck, it was 100% worth it. 

the event was an industry party for a photo and video studio, and the likelihood is that this planted seed will grow into a tree of new opportunities. as long as they don’t hate the photos, that is.  

i got a lot of questions about my hip holster - the peak design lens/capture  set up. and people were really surprised to see me shooting on tamron glass instead of the canon l series  that everyone else is using. but i have a feeling that they’ll understand why i have turned away from canon glass in favor of the tamron lenses once they see the photos and realize 1) they have no technical issues, and 2) they don’t look exactly the same as everyone else’s shit. or maybe they won’t. i don’t know. 

the other thing i did differently was using my remote flash trigger and a gary fong mounted on my canon 430 ex ll  instead of just mounting on the hot shoe of my camera and using bounce flash to light people. to be honest, the gary fong is kind of ridiculous and not at all a substitute for a good softbox or other studio diffuser. but it does a decent job of spreading light somewhat evenly across a gaggle of revelers in a dark room when held  statue of liberty-style slightly overhead and to the side of the camera. 

i probably looked stupid but people seemed to be amused, and in a room full of camera nerds, i had a couple of people tell me that it reminded them of the old  man behind the curtain  holding up a magnesium flash bulb. i suppose the concept is the same.  

after looking through the images from the night i am definitely pleased with them. i was surprised at how well some of them came out given that i was shooting at iso’s of up to 12800. generally i stuck to around 3200 when using ambient lighting only, and 640 when using flash. there were a couple of images that came out unusable because of the isos but more often than not, with the right filter, they add character to otherwise unexciting, normal images. 

i still need to do my after action review on the three photography jobs i did this weekend, and i will. but right now i’m going to put down my phone and try to get some sleep on this morning train into the office. if i’m going to be late to work, i might as well be well rested.  

Three

three. that’s how many jobs i worked yesterday. i started the day in central park at 8:30 a.m. working with a running coach to produce some images for a campaign, headed to my office to edit those images, then went to time’s square to meet a a mother and son to take some photos for a charity i’m working with (discussed in more detail in yesterday’s post). and then finally, i headed to bushwick after getting a last-minute call from an old friend who needed a photographer for her studio’s holiday party. that wrapped up at midnight and i didn’t make it back to queens until almost 2 a.m. 

that is what i was talking about in my do the hustle post a few days ago. 

to be honest, my wife was less than thrilled with me for taking the last-minute gig, and she has told me that i need to slow down the pace a bit. as much as i want to be doing photography every chance i get, she’s more important to me than photos and like i told her yesterday, i would rather throw all my gear away and never take another picture than have it be a problem in our relationship. eventually we worked it out, but i should probably write a post about balance here at some point. once i figure out what that means for me. 

so three gigs in one day was definitely crossing the line. i was mentally and physically exhausted, and as great of a networking opportunity last night was, i wonder if it is going to come back to bite me later. like i met all of these amazing people in the industry who do this full-time, and i wonder how much my connections with them will be disruptive to the equilibrium that i am working to establish in my life. i fear that i may be called upon to pick up the pace when my wife has told me that she wants me to slow down. when she has told me that she doesn’t want to stand in the way of my big opportunity, but that she is also not thrilled with the idea of me working full-time on my salary job and full-time again on photography. 

i struggle with knowing what the right move is. do i throw caution to the wind and take the path of ego, the path of a fool who believes destiny is calling? or do i approach all of this with discipline and candor, with an understanding that at least until i retire, full-time photography is probably not a realistic option for me? 

i also wonder if the dualistic lens i have locked on my body at the moment is fit to the task, whether there is a third option on the table that i’m not contemplating or able to see from my current vantage point. 

i wish i had an answer.  

St. Francis

i write a lot about gear and theory on this blog. i write about things that go wrong. and about the lessons i’m learning along the way.   

but the only reason any of that stuff matters is that it prepares us for the moments that we are called upon to capture something important. something powerful. 

after wrapping up a photo shoot this morning in central park working on a campaign for one of my clients, i met with a mother and son who are in the city for the weekend from florida as part of a charity program that i work with from time to time because i believe it is important to use our skills for more than just making money. 

we met near times square  and took a few photos there to have some fun and so i could get them warmed up to the camera. then we went to radio city  to get some photos under the marquee, and to the christmas tree at  30 rock. they were so much fun and we’re not shy about posing and getting into it.

all of this was leading up to a visit to st paul’s cathedral , where the mother wanted to visit to commemorate the one-year anniversary of her husband’s death by spreading a small portion of his ashes outside of the church and lighting a candle for him at the altar of st. jude. when we arrived at the church, the mood turned somber, and i could feel the emotions welling up like yoda feels disturbances in the force. 

we found a nice quiet corner amongst the chaos, just outside the doors on the north side of the cathedral where there was a statue dedicated to st francis of assisi. it was at his feet that they deposited the remains. even amongst the chaos, with millions of tourists in a teeming crowd just steps away, it was as if we were totally alone. no one entered the space while we were there, like there was a ward in place keeping curious onlookers from disturbing the impromptu ceremony. it is difficult to find words to express the complete immersion in the moment, the absolute presence of my whole being, that i experienced during this experience.

i was deeply moved, and feel honored to have been entrusted to be present for such an intimate and important moment in these individual’s lives. days like today are why i love photography. 

Dinosaurs Will Die

it’s an overused phrase in our culture. above and beyond. it means we’ll surpass competitors in all metrics that matter. or that we’ll do more than what is customary. raising the bar and pushing the limits.  

but the bar is moving and the limits are arbitrary. expectations are higher than they’ve ever been when it comes to photography and video. engineers are designing products that can do automatically what used to require whole teams of highly-trained industry-honed experts to accomplish. what once required tens of thousands of investment can now be acquired for a few hundred bucks. 

a smartphone with a decent lens - a moment wide or a moment tele, for example - can produce better results than a lot of entry-level dslr cameras, and because engineers have built apps that tap into the full potential of the onboard computers and lenses on these phones, dslr-like manual control is at our fingertips. there are even smartphone manufacturers teasing 48-megapixel cameras with built-in zoom. 

so why am i still tied to the old paradigm, packing around several pounds of lenses and a giant full-frame camera? 

in my case, the answer is simple. i have been using my canon 5d mark iii for six years. i know the shit out of it and can manipulate it to produce exacting results without having to fumble around with quirky touch screen and slider nonsense. because of my familiarity with my equipment, and the fact that it still produces images that are far higher resolution and with more character than my smartphone is capable of, i’m still in the game. 

but that won’t last forever. a time will come that these pocket cameras will surpass the capabilities of their predecessors. as long as it’s still able to snap off an image, i’ll continue use my old dslr dinosaur. even if i can see the asteroids in the sky that herald the end of its era in the form of mirrorless and smartphone cameras, i’m not sure i’ll ever fall out of love with the way it feels and functions, but i know its star is fading. 

going back to the point i was circling around at the beginning of this post, i can’t help but wonder, in this era of technology flux, what does it mean to go above and beyond? is it enough to be friendly, accommodating, and have a good eye matched with a decent camera anymore? or is there something else we need to be? where is the bar and how far away is the outer limit? where will these boundaries lie in three years? five? ten?  

in the same way that i am anxious about putting myself out there in new channels that are eating away at my revenues despite my conviction that diversification is paramount to survival, i wonder in what ways i need to diversify my skill set in order to ensure i survive the tectonic technology shift that is happening under my feet. what are the photography customers of tomorrow going to expect from me? what types of photography will become irrelevant as pocket cameras become more capable, particularly when it comes to low-light performance and AI-driven assistance mechanisms that help with things like color corrections,  orientation, and framing that have been the bread and butter of the professional camera world for years. 

will portraiture be a thing of the past? what about event photography? will anyone hire professionals for family photos anymore when they can just get a friend to snap a few images of them sitting in a field smiling? 

is it stupid of me to hold out any hope that professional photography will survive long enough for it to be a meaningful piece of my income stream in years to come?   

i know that adaptation will be essential, but what to adapt in to is a looming question.   

i don’t have an answer yet. but it’s on my mind. 

Can’t Help But Yelp

i’m questioning my  yelp decision. it’s costing me way more than the other avenues that i’m using for booking, and the margins are a lot tighter. like i know that i am still turning a profit this month, but just barely. and only if all of the future bookings i have on the calendar come through. i’m nervous. 

i get why i did it. why i set myself on this path and why i chose to take a chance on the  yelp ads. long-term, the rationale seems strong to me. get yelp reviews, build from acquisitive to organic growth. but damn if i don’t wonder whether i’d be better off not wasting my time. 

its not like i am getting paid more per job through yelp than i am through thumbtack. every day i think about throwing in the towel.  plugging the wound to stop the bleeding. i am still ahead and getting less so by the day. 

but i refuse to let myself do that. why? 

well, number one, this isn’t a get rich quick scheme and it’s not meant to be an overnight success story. two, if my recent interactions with other pros that stick to the one or two channels they’ve gotten comfortably rutted into have taught me anything, it’s that without diversification, there is greater potential for devastation. and three, who knows where the seeds i’m planting now will find fertile soil and take roots?  

because of yelp, and the clients it is bringing me, my work will begin to find its way into the lives of people all over the world. who knows what could come of that? 

today, i needed to remind myself to hold steady. to keep the faith and carry on. 

Do the Hustle

a couple of months ago, made the firm commitment to pursue photography professionally - on a part-time basis (for now) - i was absolutely giddy when i booked a $75 job. and i was over the moon when they paid $100 and left a glowing review on my thumbtack  profile. 

two months later my book has grown to nearly $3,000, and i have clients scheduled into June. 

earlier this week, i was contacted by a potential client through yelp for a day that i already have a booking, and so i reached out to a friend who is a pro photographer to see if he was looking for gigs and willing to take this one. he told me that he was actually just looking on indeed  for another job because he has to pay rent on his office and hasn’t booked enough work this month to cover his costs. he was really grateful for the referral and said that it would really help him a lot to work one more job this month. 

the next day, i heard from the client again and told them that i was not free but sent them his details. i was glad to hear that the individual reached out to my friend and that they were talking. 

then, today i spoke to the photographer and he told me that the client was being difficult; that they wouldn’t get on the phone with him. that they were trying to arrange the whole job through text. he told me that they were holding the event that he was being asked to photograph an event in astoria/steinway, and that he didn’t want to drive out there. he said that he didn’t think he really needed to be there for the whole duration of the event to get the job done. and on these points, i was friendly. i agreed that he really didn’t necessarily need to commit to being available for five whole hours. i was just trying to help and felt bad that the client wasn’t ideal. 

but part of me couldn’t help but think, if this person is struggling to pay the bills. if he doesn’t have enough work from his current client base, then why is he hungry for work but not willing to give everything he’s got to make this client happy? why create these arbitrary limitations on what he’s willing to do? and wasn’t it worth going out of his way to do a good job for a client that came from a totally different cohort than the people he normally works with? wasn’t it worth taking a  chance at breaking into a totally new market? 

i want to make it clear, this photographer is really top notch. truly talented, and a really nice person. i really respect this person? both before and after this situation. 

as i was contemplating all of this, it occurred to me that my friend might have lost his sense of hustle.   he had gotten too used to doing things a certain way, to the point of having more stipulations than the client. 

so here we are, the full-time photographer with not enough work on the calendar to get through the month, and the part time photographer with too many clients—more work than i can accommodate.  

and the only thing separating us is our willingness to hustle. 

Too Many Mind

today is one of those days that had my mind spinning in too many directions at once to have any clarity about which angle i should face to deploy my energy. 

i’ve preloaded two separate posts and ditched them because i could feel myself forcing definitive words onto ideas that are only half-formed at best. 

so i chose to step back. i chose to reflect. to allow my thoughts to mature.  

but that doesn’t mean i will allow myself to be frozen into inaction. i will push through this. i will sleep on my thoughts and dream then into submission. and then i will submit them.