About Last Night

it would’ve been easy to skip a day. easier than posting what was essentially a holding-on-for-dear-life attempt to not skip a beat.

i was horizontal, in bed, 11 p.m., and totally exhausted from two photo sessions. ok realistically, it was more like three. i was out of the house before 8:30 a.m. to photograph a campaign launch and take portraits for a marathon training program. then it was off to richmond hill to meet up with nai guy and hook him up with some pro shots for his stock henry (hip hop) and bad knees studios (videography) endeavors.

by the time i got home, i felt like i had run a marathon. ok i guess since i’ve never run one i shouldn’t use that metaphor, but it felt fitting in this case.

so when i was laying in bed, after spending an hour or so looking at travel destinations for a huge trip wifey and i are planning next year, i could barely keep my eyes open. in fact, i wrote that post four times last night, and fell asleep in the middle of writing it three of those times. initially, it was four paragraphs, but somehow when i fell asleep the first time i erased most of the post. so then i rewrote it into three paragraphs and fell asleep again, re-deleting what i had wrote. after that happened two more times, and i dropped my phone on the floor the final time, i eventually settled on a single paragraph and just published it before i could screw it up again.

i guess the point is that i did it.

even if it wasn’t much, it wasn’t nothing.

i didn’t let it slip. i know there will probably be days when i want to. when i forget to post. when i don’t prioritize. and even when i don’t want to look at this blog because i am on another train of thought. but for now, i’m solvent. and it feels so good. thanks for the person who isn’t letting me slip. this discipline will pay off.

first learn to build, then build something worthy of your training.

They Really [Don’t] Like Me

what am i doing wrong? or not doing right? that is what goes through my head every time i look at instagram.

i mean, am i not any good? i see other photographers and fuck just regular people who wouldn’t know how to dial in the perfect shot with intention if there was real money riding on it. i see them rolling in likes and follows. what are they doing that i’m not?

i’m even so pathetic that i’ve stooped to watching videos about how to grow my follows and likes. but the things i hear, well, i think they’re bullshit—dishonest and schemey.

join a pod of people who like each others posts to boost exposure? nope. what’s the point of that?

follow people so they follow you and then unfollow them later? hate that shit.

use one thousand hashtags so that my photos get noticed? doable, but honestly who has time for that?! and also, the people i already have following me hate that shit. just can’t win.

pay for advertisements so that my photos get put in front of more people? could do that but honestly is that going to turn into revenue? probably not.

and with that in mind, does it actually matter at all? not really. so why does it bother me that i don’t get as many likes and follows as i’m seeing on other people’s posts? that i don’t have droves of people fawning over my work?

i guess the short answer is that i am human and i crave validation. i mean, i am getting paid for my work, and receiving rave reviews from my clients. that should be more than enough, and it usually is. except when i open insta and see that i have fewer followers than when i last logged on.

part of me wants to scrap this post. chalk it up to an emo moment of weakness and just firm up. but i think it’s important to talk about this. i know i’m not the only person who stresses over this. just the other day i was watching one of brendan van son’s youtube videos and he said that there are a lot of people out there who think you should get 10,000 followers before you start trying to get paid for your photography.

...10,000?!?!?!

i don’t even have six fucking hundred. how the hell am i going to get to 10,000 when half the follows i do get disappear within a week of showing up? did i mention that i hate that shit? stupid follow unfollow game.

but here’s the thing. you don’t need any followers to get paid for photography. you don’t even need an instagram account.

what you need to get paid for photography is a decent camera, a basic understanding of how to make it work in various lighting and movement-speed scenarios, and some decent lighting—which is wayyyyy cheaper to come by than when i started out six years ago (my new yongnuo 560 flash was about $50, compared that with my canon 430 ex ii, which still goes for around $250).

does this mean you should abandon instagram? definitely not. it’s a platform, and it’s one you should nurture, so that if you ever do get exposure that drives traffic to your page, you’ve got a solid body of work for them to rub up against.

but - and this is me talking to me right now - don’t let the volume of follows and likes tell you how valid you are.

post good content, and the right people will appreciate it.

volume of engagements can’t be the only goal. instead, try placing a higher value on depth of impact.

and remember:

you probably didn’t get into photography to be loved for what you do, but rather to be in love with what you do.

Weird Flex

early on in my photography journey, i acquired the canon 24-105mm f/4 is lens, and for the course of six years, it barely ever came off my 5d mark iii.

when i broke that lens a couple of months ago (i realize that i talk about this a lot lately), i finally understood what smashing pumpkins was referring to with melancholy and the infinite sadness.

but once i got over the shock of it, i realized it was probably the best thing that’s happened to my photography game in a really long time. i say this because with that lens, i was way too comfortable. maybe that’s not always a bad thing, but when it comes to creativity, comfort is not a great catalyst.

now with my new gear set up, i have to be creative, rather than simple being iterative and falling back on my previous experience, to get the shot.

i should’ve realized i was in need of something new to drive my photography to the next level when i opted not to take my 5d mark iii to bangladesh. instead, i packed my iphone and my new moment wide and telephoto lenses.

but sometimes it takes a traumatic experience to force us to accept that we need change. hopefully if you’re reading this, you can avoid the trauma.

i don’t think that it always comes down to new equipment and spending money, but in my case, that’s the shape that the water took when it filled my glass (that’s a lens pun).

all of this is to say, the best thing you can do for itself is to

get weird and flex new muscles.

In the Pocket

dji announced the osmo pocket this afternoon and i have a few thoughts.

pros

purely in concept, it’s a great idea and a huge step forward from the prior osmo in terms of portability.
automatic face tracking in selfie mode will be a huge boon, what i didn’t see in the promo from today was whether the osmo pocket plays well with external microphones. if it does, then this could be the new perfect camera for travel bloggers. if not, then add that to the list of cons below.
the case looks pretty fantastic.
there is potential that this product could be integrated with other dji products. imagine plugging your osmo pocket into a dji tello-sized drone and achieving 4k60 on a micro drone. now that would be something to be excited about.

cons

it seems to me that this is maybe too little, too late. with the gopro hero 7 and its gimbal-killing image stabilization, part of me wonders whether we should even care that there is a mini gimbal that is basically nothing more than a smartphone camera on a stick. keep in mind that gimbals hate water, so this might be a near toy, but it’s not going to be a one-stop shop; you’ll still need an action camera for the rainy days, so essentially the osmo pocket is a very pricey fair weather friend.
the 12 megapixel photo resolution is disappointing to me. yes, it’s 4k60 and that’s nice, but the truth is that a 12mp sensor isn’t enough to elevate this product to a buy for me. consider that the parrot anafi comes with a camera about the same size as that on the osmo pocket and it has a 21mp sensor.
the osmo pocket doesn’t yet add anything new to the market, but rather rearranges a few pieces that exist in other forms, and it costs way too much for what it is. let’s say you decide to buy an osmo pocket. it will make for a great second camera, but you’re not going to leave your iphone at home just because you have the osmo pocket, are you? no. it doesn’t replace your phone, and so as small as it is, it still expands the size of your mobile kit. for a lot less money (less than half the price), you can buy a snoppa atom folding smartphone and action camera gimbal, and from what i can tell, the atom will take up only slightly more room in your pocket or bag than this new offering from dji.
following on the last point, my iphone x has two levels of optical zoom with unique maximum aperture capabilities on each of its lenses, and given that i’m a moment lens user, my phone actually gives me a huge variety of camera angle and zoom options. with this in mind the osmo pocket is even less interesting and commercially viable, in my opinion. i can’t help but wonder, why wouldn’t dji mount a mavic zoom lens onto this new product? that alone would’ve made a huge difference in the value for money calculus.
as i previously mentioned, the osmo pocket has the potential to integrate into other products. that’s awesome, but a con for the moment is that unless those integration capabilities are exploited, the osmo pocket will never live up to its full potential.

as a total gear head, part of me wants to get my hands on one of these to play around with it. but i can’t see myself spending $350 on what is essentially an almost-outdated camera resolution. in summary, and with the admission that i have not seen or used this product with my own hands and eyes, i would say that this product would be better priced at $199, and that it would only become a serious buy if dji decides to find a way to integrate this with a folding, pocket-sized drone body in the future.

Cyber Dron-day

in my last few posts i’ve talked about how thankful i am. how content i would love to be. and how the world is showing me that the people in my life are more important and fulfilling than things ever could be.

these posts and affirmations have been more for my own good than for any one else’s. because the truth is i am struggling to contain myself. i am having such a hard time not buying a load of new camera gear during this holiday discount season.

about two weeks ago, the black friday deals started surfacing, and among them was a $150 discount on the parrot anafi, a 4k, 180-degree mechanical 2-axis gimbal, 21 megapixel camera-toting folding travel drone with a 25-minute maximum flight time and ultra-quiet rotor blades. i’ve poured over so many hours of footage and reviews that i could quit my job and become a parrot salesman. but my wife and another very good friend (who also happens to be a mavic air pilot and videographer) have been my voices of reason, telling me that i don’t need a drone, and that i should not buy one just because they’re on sale.

i have been obsessively counting down the sale clock on this drone. i’ve contemplated just buying it despite the fact that i know my wife would be super, super pissed at me.

i am happy to say that as much as it hurts me to allow this moment to pass, i am ready to sleep, and i will wake up tomorrow morning having not succumbed to my urge.

to those who have helped me overcome my weakness, thank you. to those of you who are struggling to suppress your less productive urges, you can do it.

life. goes. on.

The Nightmare

dreams can be so telling of where the mind is really at. last night i was dreaming that i was with my family.

—

we are traveling, somewhere foreign and unfamiliar. it feels like china, whatever that means. we are at an amusement park with wide walkways and only a few other patrons that always seem to hover near the foggy edges of my vision.

i am taking photos of my nieces. they’re flowing through a series of ridiculous poses unironically and with conviction, in the way that only young people who haven’t succumbed to the pragmatism of adulthood can.

and then, as i’m maneuvering my camera to keep up with their pace, the front of my body - where it meets the lens - begins to flex and shift. i fire off several exposures and then realize that my photos are warped and distorted in ways not normally possible without heavy editing. at first, i’m excited by this new perspective, giddy with the knowledge that i have in my hands a device that can create images like no other.

but then, the fear creeps in. i struggle desperately to realign my lens to its intended place in front of the sensor, but i am unable.

i bring my camera to my mother, and i show her how broken it has become. though i don’t say it out loud, in my heart i am hoping she will take pity on my and help my buy a replacement. but she can’t do that, no one can do it for me but myself.

—

when i woke up this morning i thought long and hard about this dream. i carried it with me throughout the day, and even now, as i prepare to sleep once again, i can’t get it out of my mind.

i realize that the dram expresses one of my fears. i am afraid of the idea that one day i will arrive in a place where the opportunity exists to take a photo that surpasses all of my previous work, and that i won’t be prepared to capture it perfectly. i fear that my equipment will be insufficient, that i will forget a crucial element of the photography process and poorly frame or expose the image, and that in my fumbles the moment will pass and i will be left with an inferior result.

i am fairly certain this dream is at least in part the product of my deep focus over the past week on gear lust and my personal quest to uncover the underlying reason i become so fixated on the hunt for a new piece of equipment. and perhaps, it is part of the answer.

Gear Lust (part two)

where were we? ah, yes. i was spilling guts about one of my greatest weaknesses: my gear lust. and i was about to get to the crux of the point when i realized that the backstory had eclipsed the original purpose. and even now, i think more explanation is needed. in order to truly understand the magnitude of the problem, i need to lay it all out there.

before i get into it, i realized after posting the first post in this series that my timeline was a bit off, so i should rewind. sometime last year, i started to notice what looked like scratches on my photos, and i was convinced that these were a product of the scratches on my lens because i kept losing my lens caps on the road. as it turns out, what i was seeing was dust on my sensor, and i was able to get rid of it using a senor cleaning kit. i don’t know how much it cost since i bought it in store, but it wasn’t expensive, and honestly it’s something i didn’t realize i should have had anyway. but kudos to canon’s built-in sensor cleaning kit for successfully managing debris for four and a half years before finally meeting its match in the form of a formidable stray eyelash.

but i digress. earlier this year, my wife and i decided to take a trip to iceland, and one of the things we were most looking forward to on the trip was seeing the northern lights. given that at the time i was convinced it was time to replace my lens, and that i really, really, really wanted to take a picture of aurora borealis, i started to look into new lenses. so that’s really where it all began.

i eventually landed on the sigma 20mm f/1.4 art lens, and i bought a used copy from adorama about a week prior to our trip. it had some issues with what astrophotographers call “coma” which essentially means that stars on the edge of the frame get stretched out a bit, but i figured with 20mm to work with, i could always crop that out.

well, two things happened in iceland. first, i realized that i am not a big fan of prime lenses. i had gotten so used to using a pull-focus technique (zooming all the way in, focusing on the subject, and then zooming out to frame while holding focus), and i was not impressed with the need to use live view zoomed in digitally 10x to nail my focus. seriously, who’s got time for that? the second thing that happened was that we never saw the northern lights. so i basically spent $860 on a new lens that was really too heavy to be a travel lens, not versatile enough to be a travel lens, and to be completely honest, not even very well-suited to astrophotography, which was kind of the reason i bought it in the first place. so i returned it. thankfully, adorama is pretty cool about returns and took it back no questions.

but as a result of that purchase, i now had $860 to spend at adorama from in-store credit (i used the adorama credit card to purchase the lens since they offer no interest financing on purchases over $500), and i was still feeling a pull to get a new lens. at the time, i was gravitating toward the canon 70-200mm f/4 image-stabilized lens, and adorama had a decent used copy of that lens listed as in stock, so i initiated the return. but this was during sukkot, and adorama didn’t get my order for almost two weeks, and by the time they did, that lens was gone. i’m actually really glad about that, because as great as canon’s glass is, i don’t think i’ll ever be a fan of their bright yellowish white telephoto lenses from an aesthetic standpoint.

to rant a bit about that, first of all, gross. they’re just plain ugly. second, they’re like a beacon for anyone who might be prone to snatching a camera in the seedier areas of the world. might as well just wear a neon sign that says “my camera is super expensive and you’ll make more by selling this than you’ve probably made all year on nabbing travel wallets from hippies.”

ok back on topic. so in the interim, while i was waiting for my telephoto lens to ship out, wifey and i went camping in new hampshire, and as i said in my last post, that’s when i broke my canon 24-105mm f/4 lens. had that not happened, i might have just bought a new telephoto lens and not spiraled down the drain of gear lust as i have over the last couple of months. so how bad is it? well, let’s just take a tally of how much i’ve spent on new camera gear since, let’s say, august this year, when it all began, and you tell me.

tamron 17-35mm f/2.8-4: $652.16
canon 50mm f/1.8 STM: $136.09
tamron 70-210mm: $795.82
sekonic flash meter: $163.75
cowboystudio remote flash: $19
yongnuo 560 flash: $60
neweer softbox: $34.99
glow handheld speedlight:/softbox grip: $10.89
light reflector: $10.99
flashpoint stands (9.5’ and 13’): $31.57
LED string lights: $7
Rogue Flash Gels: $33
tamron TAP-in console: $54.44
peak design L-2 leash: $37.95
peak design capture POV: $43.60
peak design eos lens kit: $45.73
peak design micro plate: $21.72
kenko macro extension tubes: $79.00
lexar 32GB compact flash card: $56.00
squarespace website (12 months): $129.60
thumbtack lead generation fees: $64.60
godaddy domain registration: $27.33
eBay selling fees: $8.50

ok, so obviously some of this stuff isn’t gear. but if you want to be a hired photographer, you need to have a professional portfolio website, and thumbtack has been a pretty successful platform for me to connect with new customers, so that portion of the investment has already paid for itself. but how much as all of this set me back? try $2,523.37.

holy shit, right?!

now, let’s put this in perspective. i already own a canon 5d mark iii, which has been fully paid for by previous work for customers. today, you could get your hands on a used copy for about $1,500. i’ve also already got a couple of backpacks from lowepro, the bp250 that cost around $100 when i bought it and the bp160 that i bought recently for about $30. and i have a davis & sanford travel tripod that cost about $76 (just a plug here - that tripod is great if you’re in the market). i’ve also got an amazon basics remote trigger for my camera that was about $10. oh, and a couple of five-pound sandbags that set me back $15 or so. so let’s just round it up and say that my photography set up has a present-day value of about $4,300. keep in mind i paid about $3,000 for my 5d mark iii when i bought it in 2012. accounting for the $850 i spent buying my 24-105mm lens off craigslist, that brings money out the door to right around $6,650.

even more holy shit, right?!?!?!

that’s a literal fuck ton of money. and you would think that with all of this gear (and i haven’t even gotten into my iphone photography kit and video gear yet), my thirst would be sated. that i would be able to comfortably say that i have everything i need. and you’d be right. but i still want more.

i’m pretty sure it’s a disease.

Gear Lust (part one)

i have a confession to make. i’m an addict.

i’ve become addicted to the hunt for new gear. lately, i feel like i am constantly scrolling through the used section on adorama’s website. searching for some great unpassable deal on the next piece of kit that’s going to take my photo game to the next level.

i say it’s an addiction because no matter how much i acquire, it’s never enough. there’s always one more thing i need to complete the cycle and end the search.

the latest round of acquisition was initiated when i tragically dropped my camera while on the summit of mount monandnack in new hampshire, breaking my Canon 24-105mm f/4 image-stabilized lens in two and putting an end to a six-year run of photography that almost exclusively relied on that amazing piece of glass.

at the time, i had been eyeing new lenses to expand my kit as my wife and i became more and more committed to our traveling lifestyle, and i saw the halving of my lens as a metaphor for what i needed to do: split the difference, and expand my range outward in both directions. 24mm was no longer wide enough, and 105mm not nearly long enough to quench my thirst for new compositions. and so it was, that i dove unwittingly into the world of online reviews.

until that point, i had no idea how many channels and blogs and review sites existed. i also didn’t know how far cameras and lenses had evolved in the six years since i last seriously looked into purchasing new equipment in earnest. so instead of what would’ve formerly been a choice between quality canon glass and cheap third-party knockoffs became a true search for the specific set of parameters that define my own personal perfect kit.

after countless hours of poring over and weighing the highly nuanced and extremely technical pros and cons of dozens of lenses, i came to realize that the characteristics that i most highly prize are image quality (duh), portability, and value for money. in the end, i opted to buy:

a tamron 17-35mm f/2.8-4 variable aperture lens. its image quality is absolutely superb, it weighs just over one pound, and it cost less than $700 - by far lighter and cheaper than any other worthy ultrawide with autofocus on the market,
a canon 50mm f/1.8 STM lens, which replaces the 50mm f/1.8 ii lens and comes with two added aperture blades for smoother background blur as well as a quieter autofocus motor and a more professional finish (to be completely honest, i probably would’ve been just fine sticking with my old 50mm ii lens, but i didn’t want customers to have reasons to doubt my kit), and
a tamron 70-210mm f/4 telephoto lens, which is among the lightest and cheapest in its category, and produces top-quality images, performing well even in low-light conditions despite its lack of f/2.8 aperture.

that’s where it should’ve ended.

but something happened along the way, and i became like adam in the garden, suddenly aware of my nakedness. i couldn’t seem to stop the train of thought that kept carrying me back to youtube and the camera store, where i was inundated with shiny new things. and i coveted.

my wife and i made a deal before i started buying up new lenses. i was allowed to purchase new equipment so long as i earned enough money to fully offset the cost through photography work. so i started to shop for gigs, and quickly realized there is a huge market for portraiture in nyc. to get into that game, though, i needed to get a softbox kit, a second flash, light stands, a flash meter and a reflector. so i obviously wasn’t done spending. part of me was anxious, but another part of me was excited by the prospect of a new genre of reviews and tutorials to dive in to, and the devil on my shoulder was very pleased.

luckily, a portable portrait setup can be acquired for pretty cheap on amazon or from camera stores like adorama, but it all adds up, and the tally on the ledger continued to rise.

shortly after acquiring my lenses and lighting equipment, i was hired to photograph an infant baptism, and i came to realize - the hard way - that having three lenses instead of just one versatile lens like the 24-105mm came with its own unique challenge: i needed to be able to access all of those lenses and slap them onto my camera body quickly during event photography in order for them to be useful. so i had another choice to make. should i acquire a second camera body so that i have quick access to my long and wide lenses simultaneously, or should i find some cheaper solution that doesn’t require another $1-2k investment? i definitely couldn’t afford another camera, so the research began anew.

that’s when i came across a camera system that i wish i would’ve known about all along, one that could’ve saved me from ever breaking my lens in the first place. in case you’ve never heard of it, the peak design system comprises a combination of several different items that work together to provide seamless integration of the photography workflow.

the capture clip can be used to mount a dslr/mirrorless, action camera or two spare lenses (depending on which attachment is applied) to either a belt or backpack strap so that they are readily accessible, drastically reducing the time it takes to move from the stored to the active state. the leash l-2 (first generation) camera strap uses tabs that remain on the camera body to allow for quick attachment to and detachment from the strap, which can remain wrapped around the photographer’s body whether or not the camera is connected. meanwhile, the photographer can leave an arca swiss compatible plate attached to the camera at all times to attach it to either a tripod or the capture clip.

the reason i dropped my camera in the first place was that i was so used to letting it hang on my black rapid strap. i was walking to my gear pile after shooting a long exposure, and forgot it wasn’t on strap (the black rapid screws into the bottom of the camera and therefore is not compatible with tripod plates). if i was using peak design gear at the time, i could have saved a crap ton of money and avoided this whole spiral of acquisition in the first place.

wow, this post turned into an endorsement real quick, didn’t it? apparently i’ve been watching way too many product reviews lately. let’s get back on topic.

so yeah, i’ve bought a lot of shit in the last couple of months. including a couple of things i haven’t even talked about yet. a high-speed compact flash card to use in tandem with sd cards to ensure that i have built in redundancy of storage to avoid catastrophic loss of images for paying customers. a used set of kenko macro extension tubes that turn all of my lenses into macro lenses for detailed product photos and photos that make minute details larger than life. and probably some other crap that i am forgetting to mention.

so i told you at the beginning that this is a confession. i’m not confessing about how much i’ve spent, though. i don’t feel the least bit bad about it, because every piece of equipment has been used for steady, paid work over the last few weeks. and the customers have been very satisfied with the results, so i can confidently say that i made good purchasing choices, no regrets.

this confession is to say one thing: